It was never effortless to love Aaron Warner. He was a difficult teenage boy who seemed to forget a lot of the time that that was what he was-a teenage boy. He'd always felt that loving or even caring for him would be impossible for all the world to...
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NOW THAT THE morning has come, Juliette, Isaac, Adam, Kenji and I are all in the weaponry, getting fitted and changed into our suits. Because going out there—to the outside—will be so, so dangerous.
And I'm terrified. I'm terrified of what Anderson wants with me and Juliette, of what he wants with to discuss and potentially do with us. But the thing is, I'm even more afraid of what Warner might do. I don't even know if I'll see him today but if I do, I know I'll freak and even run the other way. I haven't seen him in years up close and personal in years, and the last time I caught a glimpse of him, I actually did sprint away.
Isaac keeps shooting me suspicious looks and he and Kenji haven't stopped whispering with each other until we all came here to ready ourselves. I'm not stupid, I know they're talking about me and whatever past I have with Warner. I still haven't revealed a thing about it and I'm sure I never will. Okay, that isn't true, I'll probably have to at some point.
I just pray that it doesn't have to happen so soon.
Castle takes something from Alia. "And you shouldn't worry about a thing," he says. "We'll be right there in case something should happen."
Juliette nods awkwardly.
"These are your new gloves," Castle says, handing them to her. "Try them on."
Whilst they chat together, I realize I'm sick of Isaac and Kenji whispering with each other like two children instead of actually telling me what their issue is. I actually know what it must be already but I want confirmation. In case I've done something else wrong.
I approach them and they shut up instantly, their eyes meeting mine with a flash. "What?" I say. "You've gone all quiet now?"
They share another look.
My heart drops. Am I losing friends over this now?
"We don't hate you," Kenji assures me. "Before you start thinking shit like that. It's just. . ."
Isaac folds his arms over his chest. "We're confused as hell."
I chew my bottom lip anxiously. I don't even know how to respond to that. Do I admit just straight up to them that I slept with the same guy that we're fighting against now? I can't do that, of course I can't.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly. "I really, really am. I just can't tell you."
"Why not?" Isaac snaps back.
"Because if I do," I say. "You'll really hate me."
He shakes his head. "Impossible."
"No," I argue. "Not impossible. Not if you find out what I did."
"Whatever you did, Mara," says Kenji, "it'll never be enough for us to actually hate your guts."
I feel like such a loser for crying. I've never cried in front of them before. I never cry in front of anyone because I don't want them to see me so sad. Especially when I spend over half of my life smiling and laughing, it just wouldn't make sense.
