Beneath the Ink (COMPLETE)

Attacks

When I said his clinginess is toxic. I wasn't kidding, but also, it's a poor mental health chapter, fyi♥️

Rhodes Beverley

Call me toxic. Call me unhealthy. I couldn't stand not having my hands on her.

Now that I was comfortable touching her, I didn't want to stop.

My only comfort was her.

I watched her go around, giving other people things, making sure her fingers didn't touch anyone else's skin.

I was anxious.

She was far. And only half way through her 8 hour shift.

She came to my table and my hand immediately reached for her, caressing the back of her thigh.

"Anything else for you? You've been here a while." She smiled.

I looked at the menu, keeping my hand on her, buying time to keep my hand on her.

"No-not until y-your lunch." I looked up at her.

"That'll be in about 30 minutes." She said.

"I'll wait." I nodded.

She nodded, I couldn't let her go.

"Love, I've gotta work." She touched my face and I sighed, loving the feeling of her skin on mine.

"I've gotta go." She whispered.

I was irritated but I knew she had to go.

I let her go, threading my fingers together.

I bounced my knee, doing what I'd done the past four hours.

I just watched her.

I couldn't stand it. But I couldn't leave, I couldn't not see her.

I felt myself growing nervous, clammy, panicking.

I stood, walking outside, into the alleyway for a breather.

I grabbed my brass knuckles from my pocket, putting them in place as I shut my eyes.

I took a deep breath, the air cool.

I was a fucking mess.

I needed her.

Four fucking hours.

Four.

I groaned, turning, hitting the wall, all I saw was red.

-

"What made you think that was a good idea? The wall is stone Rhodes." She rushed me to the bathroom.

"I-it's not f-fucking bro-broken." I took my hand from hers and put it under the sink myself.

"What's your problem? I'm at work and you hit a wall. What's wrong?" She asked.

"I-I don't know. I bl-blacked o-out." I grabbed paper towels, cleaning the cuts.

"But why did you leave in the first place? No, I'm sorry, first off, are you okay?" She asked.

I looked at her in the mirror.

"Good. Uhm, do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

I stared at my hand, watching blood soak the paper towels.

"That's fine, but I think you should go home. Bandage yourself." She took a breath.

In that moment I realized she was just trying to help.

"I'm sorry. I-I'm n-not feeling t-the best. I-I know you're t-trying to he-help me." I chewed the inside of my cheek.

She nodded.

"B-but ca-can I be d-done sp-speaking for a b-bit?" I asked, grabbing new paper towels.

"Of course." She whispered.

I walked to her, kissing her forehead.

"I'm sorry." I whispered once more.

"It's okay. Whenever you need me, I'm here. Would you like me to come over after work?" She asked.

I nodded.

"I will. But I've gotta go." She tilted her head.

I cupped her face with my good hand, kissing her forehead.

My heart began racing, I started panicking.

"What? What? Please talk to me you look scared." She pleaded.

"Y-you can't leave." I swallowed, feeling a pit in my stomach, a ball in my throat I couldn't swallow.

"I need money I can't just-" I looked around, grabbing her wrist as I walked out.

"S-sir, I'm s-sorry my-my girlfriend j-just threw up." I told her boss.

He looked at her.

"Oh are you alright? It's okay to go home, we're well staffed you're alright. Thank you sir." Her boss smiled at me and I walked to the back, grabbing her things before dragging her out of the pub.

"Seriously?" She glared at me.

I put her in the passenger seat, I got in the drivers.

"Should you be driving? Your an anxious mess right now." She frowned.

I didn't start the car.

I just sat there.

Shutting my eyes.

I was going fucking crazy.

"Rhodes, I-I'm trying to understand you. Help me. Please." She grabbed my hand and I pressed it to my lips, inhaling.

I shut my eyes, my jaw started going and my knee started bouncing.

I felt the first set of tears fall down my face.

"I-I don't know." I whispered.

"Let me drive please. I'll drive to your house-"

"No." I shook my head.

I had to go to hers, I needed to be in her room, with her.

"Mine?"

I nodded.

"Done, come on love, please let me drive us." I could hear her voice break.

No no no.

I got out of the car, taking my shirt off, sweating, I couldn't breath.

She walked to me, her hands on my sides.

"Hey, hey take a deep breath." She kissed my chest and the tears kept falling.

"Are you overwhelmed? People? Emotions?" She asked and I groaned, not knowing.

I couldn't answer what I didn't fucking know.

She put her arms around my neck, mine coming around her.

I put my face in her neck, smelling her.

I shut my eyes, my body shaking with anxiety.

"You're okay." She whispered, her hand moving through my hair.

I was heaving, sweating, gross, I couldn't let her go.

"It's okay. You're doing good, keep breathing." She mumbled into my shoulder.

I took a few more breaths, my arms never loosening around her.

"Good. You're doing good." She kissed my shoulder.

I let out a sob, for the first time in years.

"I know. I know." She cried with me, but I could tell she was trying to hold it together.

I sat on the ground, her in my lap.

I felt my chest grow heavy, I couldn't stop crying, just holding her wasn't enough.

She kissed my cheek.

I was so broken.