Beneath the Ink (COMPLETE)

Generational

Cecelia May

I sat on the couch after I just cleaned, sighing.

The past few weeks, we'd moved him out of his house and into mine and I did a lot of it while he went to therapy Mondays and Thursdays and speech therapy Wednesdays.

I waited for him to come home before cooking dinner.

I was thinking about ordering in.

He texted me he was on his way and I waited, watching TV, wrapped in a blanket.

-

He opened the door and I looked at him.

"Hey love." I smiled.

He took off his shoes by the door, removing his coat, hanging it up.

He locked the door and came to me, grabbing my chin, leaning down and kissing me.

"How was today? You look a bit frustrated." I observed.

He nodded.

"Starting to talk a-about my dad." He said.

He crossed his arms and I waited, not pushing him toward anything.

"I think I-it's good. For me. Us. That I f-figure out m-my shit." He sighed.

"How about you with other people?"

"No. T-that's something I honestly d-don't think I-I can do. I tried sh-shaking someone's hand and I g-gagged. And there's n-no need for m-me to speak. I've gone s-so long I've got I-it figured out." He shrugged.

"I'm happy for you." I whispered.

He nodded.

"Tired?" I asked.

He pointed to his head.

"Mentally?"

He nodded.

"You should go shower. It'll help you. Then you can come sit with me." I offered.

He leaned down, kissing my forehead before leaving to shower.

-

He came and sat by me, moving the blanket over the both of us as I snuggled into him.

"I have a q-question." He said.

"Hm?"

"Would yo-you ever c-consider children?" He asked.

I smiled.

"You want them?" I wondered.

"Uhm. I'm not going to p-push this on-on you. If you don't, I-I can live with t-that choice, I-I can't l-live without you s-so it's just a concept but..."

He looked down at his hand that was holding my left one, rubbing his thumb over my ring.

"Speak your mind, I'm listening." I whispered.

"I want to-to see you be a m-mom. I w-was scared I'd be too b-bad to have kids. B-but I'd love to break m-my g-generational trauma. I'd l-love for you to be a mom." He whispered.

I smiled.

"Well, I can't have children the traditional way, but we can look into IVF, and options for children, I mean, we have so much time. But, I love the faith you have in us. We can speak about it more, but I'd love to have kids with you." I smiled.

Immediately he smiled a smile so blinding. I've only seen once before our engagement, and the day of our engagement I saw it a ton, but it was a smile I'd forever cherish whenever I could see it.

It reached his eyes, joy overtaking his face.

"Baby?"

"Hm?"

"Stupid q-question but, would the c-children be biologically ours or w-would there have to be some other way?" He asked.

"Ours. Just done differently. And your voice is getting so much better." I smiled.

He nodded, "still h-hurts, but n-not as bad."

I puffed my lips for a kiss and he kissed me, my forehead.

"That m-means you'll be p-pregnant?" He asked.

"Yes."

He laughed, like that was the best thing about this.

I shut my eyes, imagining having small children with this man, being a grandparent with him, a great-grandparent.

That would be my biggest achievement in life.