Dazzled by Flames (Flames Series #3)

Chapter 35

Butterfly

For seven years, I haven't done something I like. I like my job, that's given already 'cause it's what I chose in the first place. However... it doesn't really give me joy all the time. It's work and sometimes, it feels like it's just a responsibility.

I do that every day for many years now to the point that I got used to it already and there's nothing more special I could expect from it.

So when I thought of traveling alone. Like I used to do, hindi ako nakapagdesisyon agad. I was scared.

First, I haven't done it for a long time. I don't know what to do and most of all...

What if something bad happens while I'm alone? What if the same thing happens again?

Ano na lang ang mangyayari sa akin kung sakali man na mangyari ulit 'yon? I'd rather die then. Hindi ko na kakayanin mapunta ulit sa ganoong sitwasyon.

But then, I can't really move on and find happiness without facing my fears. I have to gradually face each of them. At baka kaya hindi ako makausad dahil sa takot ko ring sumubok gawin iyon.

All along, it was fear stopping me from fully recovering and from being happy. The memories, too. Memories from that incident... They're all keeping me stuck to the ground, unable to get up.

What happened planted fears in me. I was always afraid to go out. Palagi akong hindi mapakali dahil naiiisip ko na baka may mangyaring masama.

When I'm in a crowded place, I couldn't help but think that someone is watching me or following me. Natatakot ako na baka siya iyon, na hinahanap niya pala ako para saktan ulit. Na baka naghihintay lang siya ng tiyempo para kuhanin ulit ako, saktan, at pahirapan.

Now that he's gone. No one will hurt me now, right?

Or... no.

Marami ang katulad niya. Evil is everywhere now. Magaling lang magtago... magpanggap.

Can I really trust somebody after what happened?

"Bakit naman nag-resign ka? Puwede namang leave lang!" reaksyon ni Dio noong sabihan ko sila tungkol sa ginawa kong pag-submit ng resignation letter.

They're all watching me now. Halos lahat ay may gulat na reaksiyon sa ibinalita ko. Kaagad ko silang sinabihan dahil ayaw ko naman na magtampo sila.

"I wanna take a break first," I said.

"Babalik ka ba?"

I looked at my colleague.

"Hindi ako sigurado. Kung may mahanap ako na mas gusto kong gawin, baka... hindi na?" Nagkibit-balikat ako. "I'm open for any possibilities."

Maski ako ay hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I'm suddenly lost.

"Ang biglaan naman niyan!" tumayo si Dio at yumakap sa akin.

Napaigtad ako dahil doon. Tulala ako ng ilang segundo. My body was rigid, too, before it slowly relaxed. I slowly let go of all the tension I felt.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at niyakap siya.

Nakatingin naman sa amin ang iba naming katrabaho. Bagsak ang balikat nila, malungkot din dahil sa sinabi ko.

"Sorry..." wika ko at pilit na ngumiti.

Dio finally let go of me. She looked at me.

"Magiging masaya ka ba sa desisyon mo?"

Nagtagal bago ako nakasagot. I had to think first.