I have been haunted by this sentence for days now, unable to eat or drink. Unable to just function. I spent most of my time in bed, staring at the ceiling. I ruined it just like I thought I would. I ruined her. I promised her and didn't respect my words. I sighed, trying to ease the ache that had been spreading in my bones like a vicious cancer, slowly devouring me.
Maybe that was my cue to realize that an angel doesn't belong with the devil. Good doesn't belong with evil. So did I expect her to be with me? Maybe it made sense then. I knew that no matter what I did, it wouldn't fix what she felt, watching me heartless, watching me evil. I knew she hated me and nothing I could do would change that. She hated me and knowing that made me hate myself. It made me realize how wicked I was and how pure she was. Maybe everything was just falling back to what it should be. She didn't belong with me and I didn't belong with her.
"Ace?"
My eyes flew to the door, wishing it was her voice calling me, wishing I had another chance at saving my love in her heart but my heart filled with disappointment meeting Carmin's body leaning on the door frame. I closed my eyes and sighed, my heart aching deeper at the ephemeral false hopes I built inside of me.
"For how long are you going to stay in the dark room?"
"Leave me alone." I grunted, not wanting to talk to her.
"Al sent me to tell you that he wants to see you," she explained, welcoming herself in the dark room.
"I don't want to see anyone."
"Ace–"
"Carmin, do what I said," I raised my voice.
She let out a deep breath and turned the lights on. Groaning, I quickly shut my eyes. I felt the mattress sink next to me. I slowly opened my eyes, letting them get used to the light.
"You can't stay like that, Ace." She finally broke the silence, "she knew what she was getting herself into, being with you."
"Carmin," I warned her. No matter what happened between Talia and me, I won't allow anyone to talk about her.
"Fine," she sucked in a breath, giving me a small smile, "but you have to get back to work, Ace. You did a great thing protecting Frank's empire by getting rid of Fox."
"I shouldn't have done that," I regretfully said, sitting up, rubbing my temples.
"Don't say that. You know damn well that if you didn't kill him he was going to kill you. Now you have to get back on your feet because Pablo is still lurking. He won't let go of the necklace and he won't forget you playing him and killing his man."
I closed my eyes when I felt a headache kicking in my head. I knew all she just explained but refused to think about it. I hated how much she had an effect on me. I grabbed the whiskey bottle that was on my nightstand and poured myself another glass.
"Oh god, did you drink all of this today?" She saw me taking the bottle from the kitchen this morning and it was already half empty.
"I think I am going to need another one."
"Are you drunk?"
"I don't get drunk."
She shook her head, "I hate this," she whispered. When I didn't respond she moved closer to me and placed her hand on my cheek. "I hate how weak you look, how weak she made you–" She put her lips into a thin line when I threw her a warning look. "Get back on your feet, everyone needs the old Ace. The strong one. The tough one who nothing and no one can move him." She tilted her head, moving closer to my face. I stared into her eyes and got mesmerized in them, imagining they were Lia's, imagining it was sitting next to me, caressing my cheek and sweet talk to me. "We all need you back, Ace. I need you back." Her voice was getting lower and lower and my heartbeats slowed down. "I missed you, Ace. I missed you so much." With my eyes closed, I leaned into her palm, wanting her back, wanting her to give me another chance but too scared to ask for one. She took the glass from me, freeing my hands. I placed them on her waist, feeling her hot skin next to me. Her thumb drew on my bottom lip and her other hand dug into my hair. I felt her soft lips brush against mine. I was too weak to push her away, too desperate to stop. Even if I tried to pretend that these were Lia's lips, I couldn't. Everything was different. The taste wasn't the same. The feeling wasn't the same. Lia's lips were a taste of heaven, soft, sweet, and warm as they wrapped around my lips as if they were pairs meant to sway together. But Carmin's lips were cold and firm just like my heart and hers. The kiss was rough, and fast, devouring my own, showing me the absence of love and the presence of lust. I opened my eyes and broke the kiss.
"What are you doing?" I cleared my throat and wiped my lips as if then I undoed the shit I just did. As if I had another chance with Talia, I started panicking. I betrayed her. I betrayed her again and broke my words again. What did she do to deserve me?
"What?" She tilted her head, unsure of my sudden change of mood.
"Get out, Carmin."
"But you know you want me. You may want her but you will always come back to me," she whined, moving closer to kiss me again but I pushed her away, getting off the bed. I put my hand on the wall for support when I felt dizzy.
"Stop being like this." I shook my head.
She followed me, standing inches from my face, "like what?" She stood on her toes, trying to steal another kiss but I pushed her away.
"Get out," I looked away.
"Ace–"
"Now," I yelled, pointing to the door.
She left. I closed the door behind her and shut the lights. I tried to catch my breath, wanting to scream, wanting to break all things around me, wanting to punch a hole into the wall but I dug my nails into my palms and bit my bottom lip. I knew that she was in the house and I didn't want to create more damage to her more than I already did. I let my body slide down the wall and sat on the ground. Foreign tears filled my eyes, confusing me. I haven't cried for long I forgot what it felt what it was a built up that needed to get out. And if it didn't it would create nothing but silent tears for relief. I supported my head with my hands and shut my eyes. What have I done? I killed Fox, when she made me promise not to kill and scared her of me. And kissing Carmin instead of trying to go and beg her for a second chance. I sniffed as more tears escaped my eyes. Guilt started eating me like a ruthless animal that I wasn't able to stop.
I never thought I would mourn Fox's death and never knew killing him would affect me negatively. I never knew I would regret killing him. Little did I know, killing him killed me because the second he died, so did her love for me, leaving me alone, slowly dying too.
I feel like it was the end, the end of a story that wasn't meant to have a sad ending. I felt like killing Fox was what it took Talia to see the monster I truly was. And nothing I was going to do would be able to fix the chaos I created, adding on it, kissing lips that weren't hers.
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AUTHOR NOTE
Hello, everyone. Here is a small chapter showing Ace's POV about everything that happened, which is why I am posting it right after the previous one. I know this might be a useless chapter and it isn't adding anything to the story but after rereading it I couldn't not post it. It made me feel so bad for Ace 🥺
