Shark Plushy (Enobaria X F.OC)

-Herself-

(Me: *just remembering that 1 Cecelia has children, 2 District 8 gets heavily bombed, and 3... They kill everyone in the hospital, aka the whole population of 8 that we see in the movies... And I am going off movies...* I am genociding Bera's whole district... Or at least a good part of it.)

The home was never as silent as this.

How much time had passed? Months?

She hated this new side of Valerius, why couldn't he go back to hating her? Why couldn't he be like before?

Why did Cecelia need to smile at her so gently speaking to her like a broken child?

Why did Woof need to raise his glass with an angry gruff smile of understanding when they crossed paths?

Why, why, why?!

"HA!!" She hurled what she held through the room.

"Mmm, as precise as ever." The man's voice came as he looked at the knife that had previously been used to put jam on a toast now stick out of the wall. "Maybe you should sit down, you are getting worked up again." (I am scared, the bread my mom bought me like last week, never opened, molded... The toasts that I've he since September the 16th are still perfectly good and soft and nothing is up with them and it is the 14th of October.)

"I am fine!"

"Bera, the injury you go--""Got messed up your capacity to regulate emotions, yeah I know! I am not stupid!" She almost shrieked, feeling the strain in her voice. "So fuck off and let me live my life! I wanna yell so I will yell!!"

She slammed the plate on the table, walking away.

"Where are yo--" "I am meeting with someone!" She said, which was something she did a lot to avoid him and his new caring nature.

She was not fragile, she was not broken, she was just a victor.

And she needed to live with that fact, not Valerius, not Cecelia, not Woof. They had either not been in the games or hadn't been in her games, no one can feel how she felt, how she feels.

She didn't want to be looked at like someone to protect.

She didn't want to be weak.

She will not let them pity her.

She groaned, feeling a headache come in, a feeling of wrongness settle in.

"Oh dammit."

She leaned against a wall and sat down, hugging her knees and waiting, knowing what would follow.

It was a rising sick feeling in her stomach, the feeling she got when looking over the ledge of a tall building and the intrusive thoughts whisper 'Jump' in her ears.

It was described to her as if she was staring off into space, having a blank stare while excessively blinking. People talking to her would interact with a confused girl with a slow reaction time and unusual speech or no speech at all.

It was like her brain was trying to rewire itself on the spot and she just couldn't answer.

For her it felt like a whole body numbness. Her heart beating so loud in her ears, irrational fear gripping it. Usually feeling her mouth go dry and her view full of visual snow, making it hard for her perceive anything from the outside world.

Something to do with temporal lobe seizures or something, caused by some injury to it... Well hers had had a sword go through it so in the long run she is not surprised.

And all she could do was try to breath through it, at least she knew somewhat when one would happen, feeling this wave of odd sickness unlike any other wash over her. Usually she had the time to at least sit down, the first time she had fallen in the bathroom and got another shock to her head which made it worse, waking in the hospital.

She hated this, it made her so scared and weak, two things she didn't want to be.

And those headaches.

At moments it felt like her brain finally realized that it had been cut and it was trying to force its way out of her skull through the healing wound and wire mesh in her head.

It would cause visual blur or tunnels vision, confusion and more often then not a complete loss of balance and she'd end up falling over, hitting the ground shaking her head more even if she protected it and she had only a few seconds to realize what was coming... And of course the pain, it was agony.

All of that because she survived a killing blow.

She uncurled slowly when the tingling of feelings was coming back into her hands and legs and she felt the pressure lessen, able to see again. More often then not it was only a few minutes but the time she had falling in the bathroom the hit almost extended it.

The only good thing the doctors could say to her about her new conditions was that at least it is only affecting one side and not both or that would be a grand mal seizure or a convulsion... Which was reeeeaaally reassuring... Well no but what else can she do? Say stop that to her brain?

But she was pleased that it was just on one side since the other version had her body twitching uncontrollably and biting off her tongue was not a welcoming idea.

She stood on still weak legs, walking on, needing to walk this off.

Just walked, a soft sneer at the druggies passed out in the streets but nothing more.

She could have drank, smoked, shot herself up with morphling but she had not. Why? She herself wondered... Tho the doctors told her not too and Valerius still hide his beers away because she is not an adult, she'd have done what she wants if she wanted too.

But she didn't.

She suffered enough from a fucked up vision of the world as it is when her brain going in breakdown mode so she didn't want to cause that to herself even if people did hide their pain in it.

She had walked all the way to the factory she once worked at. As a victor she didn't need to be here, free to live her life, but she still walked in.

She found her little corner, left untouched with many of her work unfinished.

She picked up a light blue cloth and rubbed her thumb over the satin surface.

No matter how much struggle she was faced with, she couldn't let the Capitol win. Not now, not tomorrow.

"The tour is in... Two months?" She said to herself, tilting her head only slightly, moving it in any way harshly or tilting it too much towards the side her injury was hurt a lot still. "I'll show them, they haven't broken me."

She pushed the seat back and sat down, turning on the little lamp and click on the sewing machine.

She might be a victor but she'll be a victor for herself and no one else.