39 } Trauma-Off

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I HAVE LITERALLY NO ONE TO LEAVE OUR CAMP IN THE HANDS OF WHILE I'M GONE. Because both Vee and Seb have gone on seperate little missions. Everyone I know in them as well. Blake, Sylvie and Nari are coming with me - and now I'm probably going to have to deal with the expectation that I stay. 

I am aware that I'm a selfish person. I know that. I don't care about going up against EVA - not entirely - my mission has always been Alex. And getting her. I created an army to get her. Once I have her, I won't continue fighting. I won't have reason to. I'm angry. Sure. But I love the people I love more than I fear turning the world over to EVA. 

And at this point I'm just adding people to the roster. Once Alex is safe, once Mars is safe, and admittedly - despite the fact that I totally hate her - once Sylvie is safe...

Well I won't exactly be the fearless leader everyone expects me to be. Because; I don't care. Not as much as them at least. 

So my mission has changed. It's retrieve Alex and Mars. And then from then on? I'll stick around sure. Help out. But I won't be leading us into war. That can be...Lope honestly. She's the most passionate about this - especially if she's returning to ACE just so she can try and convince her batshit mother to join us. 

ACE and us - the bikers - we've....definitely had our differences. They hate us more than we do them, but still, there has been a history of resentment between us. Mainly because of land. And the murdering of each other when someone steps on said land. Who knows?

I'm just glad Blake finally got his shit together. Nari had been yapping for days about how we need to retrieve Mars - and I agree - however all he was doing was...declaring it. We need a solid plan. And trust me; I've been thinking. It's just we had a solid plan. We used it. The one way to get into EVA. 

And we blew it. 

But now that Blake's got his shit together? I have more to work with. 

"We stealth it." He says, "We do what we did last time - but we don't try and pretend to get in. We stealth from beginning to end, we survey, and then we break Mars out." 

Sylvie makes direct eye contact with me at that. Not just Mars. We keep that to ourself. 

"Can you guarantee that'll work?" Nari asks, arms folded and eyes set on the table between us. 

"No." Blake answers with a shrug. 

"Then-"

"We're not going to sit around and come up with a bulletproof plan." I interrupt, "Frankly, that would be impossible. We don't even know if all the waiting we've done so far has taken a toll on her. Based off of the stuff Ella has told me about her wife...well, I wouldn't put it past EVA to ruin her." 

"Don't say that." Nari's eyes narrow at me. 

"If you can't handle the truth, you can't handle this world." I don't apologise, "We need to be ready for anything. Not just the physical stuff. The psychological as well. I need to know you won't freeze if you find Mars and see her missing an eye. Or a different shade than she was last you saw her. Or completely comatose." 

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