AFTERGLOW |JUDE BELLINGHAM

⁵ ⁰ [It wasn't what I wanted]

☆.｡.:*

ISADORA'S POV

"What are you doing babe?" asks Danna as she walks into the dressing room to join me before our concert in Mexico.

"Um, writing."

"You're writing while on tour? Why?"

"I just got inspiration I guess," I say as I put the pencil down and walk over to the couch, making sure to bring the notebook with me.

"Can I see it?" she asks once I sit myself down next to her.

I think about it for a moment, if she sees it, she's going to know what it's about. And it's kind of hypocritical about my feelings.

I don't know if I'm ready to show this song to her yet.

"I don't really think you want me to see it," she interrupts my thoughts. "Normally you say yes right away, but it's okay, I understand."

I give her a sad smile and look down, "It's just not ready enough, when I know it sounds good, I'll let you see it."

She gives me a warm smile back and places her hand on my shoulder, massaging it slightly. "Do you want to talk?"

"About what?"

"Seeing Jude with another girl..."

I knew she was going to bring it up eventually, but I think that I do need to talk about it.

"I don't really want to," I say with a nervous laugh. "But I think we should.

She stops massaging my shoulder, and sits herself in a more comfortable position. "I just want to ask, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you lying to me?"

"Maybe," I slightly frown.

She moves closer to me, and moves my head to let it rest on her shoulder. "It's okay to miss him."

"I shouldn't be allowed to...I can't break up with him and then say that I miss him. It's not fair to him that I don't even know what I'm feeling."

"Babe, the two of you went through something that is beyond unimaginable. It brought you a lot of hurt and because of that, I think that you were allowed to not understand your feelings," she says as she runs her hands through my hair.

"Dani...I don't even know if I'm feeling the way I feel because I genuinely miss him, or just because I saw him with another girl. How do I know which one it is?"

She sighs and then rests her own head on top of mine. "Can you tell me about what happened after the opening show again, like how did you feel when you watched him leave the dressing room."

"Um...he kissed me before he left. And I knew that it was him wanting to say goodbye, like for reals."

"Mhm," she nods. "and you wanted it to be a goodbye kiss too?"

"We couldn't be together Dani, I'm touring and he needed to be focused on football. I knew that it was the right thing."

"But is that what you wanted?"

I let out a deep breath and slowly shake my head, "I wanted to go after him."

"And I almost did."

She sits up now and looks at me more seriously, "well why didn't you?"

"He came back too."

"He did!?" she somewhat shouts. "Why didn't you tell me this part?"

"Because I looked at him, and I kissed him again. He kissed back and when we let go, I knew that I couldn't do that to him. I didn't want him to be waiting for a call from me, or to worry about me in general. So after that second kiss, I let him leave."