«A turncoats return»

Extra Chapter

Walking through the dim streets back to my home, I look though chat messages on my phone. Not that I have many, no one wants to talk with me. I had texted Germany in the early afternoon if he would like to hang out and told him where I'd be, yet he left me on read and never showed up. I should have seen it coming. I bite my tongue and swallow sourly. He has better friends now, a boyfriend even. There is no way in hell he'd want to hang out with loser such as myself. I thought I would be raging, screaming, crying, yet I just feel a little dull, as if I already came to terms of this happening.
I don't hold it against him, though. I can understand that he wants to fit in and not have any trouble with the others. They are so cruel. I stop walking and exhale heavily. I feel a little lighter afterwards and look from my phone down the street. A cold breeze floats by, making empty tree branches rustle with the wind. It's late November. I'm not sure if we'll have snow this year or the coming winter. But I prefer the other, more colorful seasons. They are more exciting to draw. The past weeks I've started drawing a lot more and only going outside when it's dark or I'm alone, Belgium and Luxembourg are so kind to buy me art supplies. I shiver at the cold wind, yet I enjoy the calmness it brings with it.

I start walking again, back home. I was asked by my siblings to stop at Chinas place to pick up some Asian food for dinner today. I reluctantly agreed. China didn't say anything, but served me the food anyways. In my right hand dangles a bag with four steaming hot noodle boxes. For Belgium, Lux, Me and Father. I'll just take my box and head upstairs. Father doesn't want to see me. Never. I am the disappointment.

Turning the keys in the lock of my own home, I step inside, a nice warmth engulfing me. My muscles, tense from the cold, relax. I put the boxes down for a moment and pull the jacket off my body and the boots away as well.
Scarf stays on, of course.
I carefully walk down the hallway, trying to stay quiet, as suddenly Lux races around the corner. I get startled pretty badly, yet don't throw the food anywhere or such.
"You're back!"
"Lux! Don't scare me like that!" I sort of whisper yell in a low voice. My brother chuckles for a moment, then sighs, his gaze wandering to the floor, then around the corner to the living room.
"Dad passed out from alcohol 15 minutes ago. He'll sleep like a rock until tomorrow. Don't worry."
"Right." I exhale as well, and we both reflect silently on what our family has become. In the past; strong, happy and understanding. Now; Father is a raging alcoholic; everybody hates me and Belgie and Lux are being dragged through the mud as well. They all would do better without me. Quite depressing. I snap out of it first.
"I uh, bought the food from China. It costed more than the money you gave me."
"Oh! I must have misheard! So Sorry, I'll pay you back."
"No need, money is practically worthless here. China just likes shiny things, like a magpie."
"..."
"Go get Belgie so we can eat."
"Can you join us for dinner this evening?"
"I mean, I guess. Father isn't going to be there."
"Alright, I'll get her."

We part ways. Lux goes upstairs to go grab our sister as I very carefully tip toe through the living room into the kitchen. If I wasn't scared of my Father, it would have looked quite amusing. Luckily, as Lux suggested, the old man is deeply asleep and far from the real world, so I get into the kitchen, distribute the boxes around the table, add chop sticks and sit down, waiting patiently. Because of Dutch I don't get to eat with them often anymore, so I really enjoy the experience.

Soon, Luxembourg and Belgium join me. Belgie smiles happily as our eyes meet.
"Good evening, brother!"
"Hey Belgie."
"Good to see you!"
"You too."
"It's nice that you join for dinner!"
"I guess..."
"Don't be so negative! I know you are happy as well!" she smiles, causing me to smile aa little as well. Luxembourg's gaze softens and they sit down as well. One after the other, the boxes are opened and we eat together. It feels nice to not sit alone in a dim room when consuming food. It's good too. China is a great cook!
Even though no one is speaking, the atmosphere is nice, comfy, cozy. After eating I feel full, warm and content.
"Any plans for the evening?" Lux asks the round.
"I'm going to paint some more."
"You want us to get you anything?"
"No, I have everything, thank you."
"Oh! Tell us if you need anything!" Belgium adds and I feel myself smiling softly, my soul melting away. I really don't deserve siblings like this. I simply nod.
"And you two?"
"I'll spend the night gaming." Lux smirks.
"Just watching some YouTube." my sister thinks loudly. Very well. I tell them to have fun, stand up and quietly leave the door. Father is snoring loudly and I quickly make my way upstairs.

Entering my room, I lock the door behind me, breathing deeply. I turn on the lamp on my night stand as I prefer dim light over overly bright light at the end of the day. My room has sort of turned into an atelier. There are multiple easels with canvasses. I enjoy landscape/city landscape and genre art. Though I make most motives up in my head, from memories and wishes. At the wall is a picture of great ships on the sea, a busy city and a calm evening in a park. I enjoy impressionism and expressionism, yet I guess I still hold some realism in my art works. On one of the easels is canvas depicting tulip fields and windmills from home, drawn from the perspective of the canals that are everywhere in the Netherlands and Belgium. I haven't finished it yet, but today I don't feel like continuing on it. I pull a new, empty canvas on another easel, thinking what I want to depict today. My choice falls on a figure, a portrait. Like always, I let my mind take over and start painting, yet I stop, even hesitate as I realize who I'm painting.

...Duitsland. Germany.

Do I really miss him this much? Am I that unaware of it? I lower my shoulder as take a look around the empty room, remembering when he came by frequently and we would draw together, talk or other stuff. I put the brush and pallet aside and walk to my desk, searing. It doesn't take long to find the drawing Germs had made at my place. He is so talented. At everything he does. So persistent and yet so gentle. I feel that my emotions are getting hold of me, so I throw the papers away. They dance in the air for a moment before sinking to the ground, scattered. I take a moment to gather myself, burying the grief and anger deep within me.

Afterwards, I sit down again, in front of the half-finished portrait of the German man.
My... former best friend.
I don't want to finish it.
I simply can't.