each and every moment + h.s.

pact

I bring myself to lightly knock on her door after hesitating for too long. I want to see her, I do, but at the same time I am terrified. I haven't seen her since the nurses sped her down the halls on a stretcher.

I can't do it. I can go in there and see how damaged she is. I want to blame this on myself, she turned to look at me, but I know I can't do that, and I know she wouldn't let me.

Snap out of it. Go in there, hold her hand even if she's not conscious of it, and be there for her because that's what she needs right now. She is the one that needs to recover, not me. 

I knock twice before letting myself in, as a warning. I look out the window only to find the blinds shut tight. Then I look at her. It's now when it finally settles in that she is horribly wounded. Not as bad as she could be, but enough to make it just outside of unbearable. I take her hand in mine as I kneel next to her bed, whispering promises of forever and always, till death do us part.

Weddings. That's my my first thought of when the words leave my mouth. I scan the room for a pen and paper as I write down exactly how I will propose as soon as she gets out of this facility.

When I met you I knew that that could not be the only time I see you. I knew that I had to keep you around. I knew that there was something special about you when I gave my best possible apology in the backseat of that cab. I knew something, though I didn't know what it was, I knew I had to figure it out. As I wrote this I was sitting by your hospital bed, taking in the cuts and bruises on your skin. It took me way too long to realize that I couldn't live without you, and I was so thankful that you were still lying there and breathing.

beep...beep......beep

I push the nurse call button as soon as I recognize the slowing of the noise that I had tuned out as I was writing.

After what felt like hours a nurse came rushing in, asking me as nicely as possible to leave the room. I set the pen and paper in an empty drawer before exiting. As soon as I placed myself in a chair a short distance from her room, more nurses came rushing down the hall, and I prayed that they weren't heading to her room.