Sweet Karma [boyxboy]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven (Julian)

Wulf forced me to go to bed as soon as we got back.

But I couldn't sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw everything, everyone. Dead. I saw the ocean of blood on the floor, the splatters on the walls, pews, alter, and even the statue of Jesus that hung above the alter. It scared me so much that I opened my eyes again. I couldn't sit still and no matter how much I curled up and waited to cry, no tears came. It was like I had completely cried myself out.

I paced around the room at night, peeking through the curtains at the city below. When I had first arrived, it looked beautiful with its multicolored lights flashing, cars moving through the trees, river twinkling from the lights of the casinos in Canada. Now, it suddenly seemed darker, colder, forebading.

I tried taking a shower, but no matter how much I scrubbed, I couldn't clean off the filth that clung to my skin. The water was too hot or too cold, couldn't get it right. I got soap in my eyes and almost fell over three times, so I managed to get out without dying, unfortunately.

I felt like a zombie, like I was on autopilot.

This couldn't be real. How could this be possible? Why was this happening to me? Why was this happening to my family, my friends?

I came out of the shower and hesitated to see that Wulf had laid out a pair of pajamas while I was in the shower. I couldn't tell what he thought he was doing, but I didn't say anything. I did not, however, want to think he was making me feel better, so I tossed the pajamas in the toilet before I went to bed in the nude. I wrapped the blankets around me tightly like a cocoon, but even then, I couldn't bring myself to sleep.

I stared through the darkness at the wall, trying to organize everything in my head, but it was too difficult.

"I swear to you, I will never die, Julian. I promise you that."

Adam's voice rang in my head and this time, a wave of tears hit me and I choked on a sob, squeezing my eyes shut and burying my face in the blankets, trying to hide from his voice in my ears, but it wouldn't stop.

"You'll always be my King, Adam. Always."

"This is probably the first time in my life that I've ever doubted myself and the decisions I make... And right when I thought I was going to end up alone again, you told me exactly what I wanted to hear."

The sobs came out harsher and burned my throat. Tears stung my eyes as I pulled one of the pillows around, hugging it tightly, but it still didn't make up for what I had lost. It wasn't warm like Adam, wasn't muscular, didn't smell like leather and smoke, didn't snore, didn't mumble.

"... I must be the luckiest guy in town, huh?"

I could still feel his breath on my face, the way his lips felt against mine, against my ear, against my skin. His hands buried in my hair, his body spooned against mine, his breath on my neck.

"Tonight's our night."

I curled up tightly, wrapping the blankets around me and wishing they would just suffocate me and kill me already. My heart ached and my chest was tight. I felt like I'd just been thrown through a blender, then stomped on my Godzilla. My throat was sore from sobbing so much and my nose was so runny and my head hurt. My eyes were puffy and I was tempted to get back up and just try to fill up the tub to drown myself, but it wouldn't work.

My body wouldn't let me do it, no matter how much my heart wanted to. I wanted to just close my eyes forever. Maybe I'd wake up in Summerland or something and find everyone again.