A Shade of Cool

XVI: Seeing Red

Her hand shook in mine.

What do I say? Do I apologise? Do I tell her that I told her so? Do I cry?

She rested her head on my shoulder.

Am I a bad person? Will she ever forgive me? Can I forgive her?

She sobbed quietly.

What have I done?

We sat in the Police Station at nine o'clock at night. Two hours after initially calling them. It took a long time for her to talk anymore. After what she said to me, no words had come from her lips. She was still, quite and for the first time in her life; terrified. I'd never seen her like this. I didn't like it. She was covered in blood and frozen in her place. Her hand was attached to mine the entire time, she became a part of me as I spoke for her and walked for her. And now, we sat in the waiting room, preparing for them to call us in for interviewing.

Noah had wanted to come, understandably. I apologised endlessly to his parents but they brushed it off and seemed more worried than angry. I was kind of glad. The last thing I needed right now was them to be mad at me, because I already had plenty of things going bad right now; Mom, Ana and now Eric. The thought of him sickened me - no, it infuriated me. I'd happily kill him. Meet him in a dark alley and throttle him, hit him over and over again, tell him he's scum. I'd do anything. But right now, I couldn't... Ana didn't need that. She needed me. And I needed her.

"Anaya?" An officer stepped out of the bland grey door, "We are ready for you now."

Ana desperately looked at me and then her, her dry lips peeling as she tried to speak but nothing came out. I knew what she wanted to ask. But unfortunately, I knew it wasn't possible, especially for a rape case. I rested my palm on her cheek and gave her a soft smile, "You can do this. You're one of the bravest girls I've known, you can do this," I assured her quietly.

She looked lost, but a part of her lit up as she heard my words. I could see it, deep within her. That hope. That fight. She nodded and stood up slowly as the Officer held the door open for her. Standing there for a moment, Ana stared ahead and licked her lips nervously, her hands trembling at her sides, "I'll be right outside, okay?" I told her.

She closed her eyes for a second and let out a long exhale. Her hands wrapped into balls of fists as she stepped forward and into the room. I watched her slowly disappear behind the door as it closed. Swearing I could see her look back, desperately at me.

What the fuck do I do? They had already asked me questions.

When did you find the victim?

Are you familiar with the accused attacker?

We understand you had a violent altercation with the accused, is that right?

I could tell how they were turning it around. Everything was turning back on me. As if I was the accused and that the rape was some fictional story I brewed up. I'm sure they believed I got her to say this, in their narrow minds I'm sure they ignored the blood and cuts. I'm also sure the Stocks were onto their persuasion. Their payment in the bank.

The things Marissa told me finally made sense. It was as if we were going back, reliving the experience. Except this time; I was not letting him win.

I decided to call Noah whilst waiting so made my way to the payphone, dialling his number and waiting patiently. On the second ring he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Noah, it's Jacob," I said. Happy to hear his voice though it was apparent he knew already as he would be expecting a call from me.

"How is she?" He asked.