Forgotten

chapter 13

Chapter 13

I was finally in that bubble bath. Too bad it was two days later!  It was a Sunday. The past weekend was pretty quite without any encounters with Nate. I didn't see him at all. I didn't see him when I went out to get the morning paper, or when I went to do some gardening in the back, or when Lisa and I got out to get my car. 

NOT that I was looking. 

Oh! Who am I kidding; I couldn't help but look for him. After what happened on Friday…  

I went out of my way to try and find him. I hate gardening and I actually bothered to go do that, just because I wanted to see him, to talk to him, to apologize. What happened?

Well Friday…

The smile slipped off my face when I saw Nate's expression. He was looking my way with an expression close to Lisa's, but there was something else; a strange glint in his eyes that scared me. Not because he was trying to look scary. No, it was the exact opposite. That look in his eyes, which 6 years ago would have me running towards him, now had me running in the opposite direction. 

Everyone that I ever let close to me hurt me in someway or another; I let Nate in and loved him with all my heart, and he broke it. Then there was Jake. I admit I wasn't 'in love' with him, but he was my rock for a while and I let him close, and even he hurt me, though more physically but still hurt me.

And now, Nate wanted me to let him in again. I didn't know if I could.

I wanted to, god I wanted it. But I know that if the same thing happened again that happened so many years ago, neither I, nor anybody else would be able to put me back together. You know, kind of like Humpty Dumpty, 'All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again'. 

I didn't know if I could take that risk, not even for him to be just my friend. Our relationship was like a glass vase, once it broke, you could try all you want, but it would never be the same again. 

So when he gave me that look, all I could do was tell him to get out of my house, and out of my life.

Now, as I sat in the cold water of the very un-relaxing bubble bath, I guess I will admit that my outburst was a little uncalled for, but I was scared. Scared of that look, scared of the emotion, scared of getting attached only for Rosa's mother, wherever she is, to come back and ruin it for me again. I had no doubt in my mind, that if he could marry her once, he could marry her again if she wanted him to. 

Plus, I'm obviously not his type. I'm not sexy enough for him, and even when he wanted me back, it's as his best friend, someone he loves - or loved-, but not someone he could fall in love with. 

You know the worst part though, the worst part was, that as hard as I tried, tried to stay away, tried to keep my walls up, I knew that I was in love with him. I knew that there was never a moment when I didn't love him, and I knew that it was just a matter of time before I got hurt again.

The pounding on my door got me out of my thoughts and, later, the bathroom. Lisa couldn't be more impatient. We were going out for lunch and then to the mall. I quickly got dressed and ran to the foyer. Lisa smiled and I forced a smile back.

Sometimes, I felt like I was living a billion different lives. Like, one part of my life had no contact what-so-ever with another. For example, Lisa only heard about Nate, but until a few days ago, had never met him. Nate knew nothing about Lisa and Jake until the day I met him again. Jake doesn't know who Nate or Lisa are, and Lisa had never met Jake before. But recently, everything is starting to mix together, and I don't know how to keep track anymore. 

Lunch went by without a moment of silence. Lisa told me about going home for the weekend for her mom's birthday, and how I was invited but she won't force me to go if I don't want to. She told me about how her mom finally started talking to her ex-husband, and that she can finally meet her older half-brother after so many years. She told me how they used to meet at the park as children when her dad, and his dad would bring them together, but her mom never knew. Of course that bit of information I was told many times before.

I couldn't help but be a little jealous. Matt hadn't been in touch with me for 2 years now. He was so busy, I guess he completely forgot about his little sister. Every time I go home, which isn't a lot I admit, it seems that he picks that week not to come home.

After lunch, we went to the mall. Lisa had a date, and we had to pick out an outfit for her mom's birthday party. I had decided that I would be prepared incase I wanted to go by the end of the week. It didn't take long to find an outfit for Lisa, she looks good in just about anything. After a few more shops, we finally found a long-sleeved deep green dress that made the green colour of my eyes shine. Before we left the mall, Lisa randomly stated that she wanted green highlights in her hair. 

"You know that you have bright red hair right?" i chuckled. 

"But green is such a pretty colour," Lisa whined, as we walked towards the salon.

I chuckled again, "but christmas isn't until 2 months Mrs Claus," I teased.

She humphed, but then argued about all the other things that the colours green and red stand for. 

By the time we got to the salon, I convinced her to get black highlights instead, because admit it, green and red make you think of christmas.

As she was getting her hair highlighted, I made an impulsive decision as well. I decided to get rid of my waist length hair, and cut it up to just below my ear.

"OH MY GOD!" Lisa exclaimed when it was done, "I never thought this would look so good on you," she continued. 

I smiled. I have to admit, it felt different, it felt good.

"I have awesome taste," I said, "Just look at your beautiful highlights."

And that smile didn't vanish for the rest of the day, not even when i went to sleep.

Change is good.

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