The Necromanced (Being Edited 7/21/14)

Chapter Twenty: A Mission

Chapter Twenty: A Mission

We returned. I was rattled, there was something both frightening and exhilarating about the scare. I wanted to laugh, that was the relief I assumed.

"You still there?" Thomas asked for what seemed like the fifth time. I had been held captive by my thoughts. "You haven't said a word since we started back." He said noticing my absent mind.

"Hmmm?" I asked before realizing Thomas was addressing me. "Oh yeah, I'm just... thinking." I said still drifting between thoughts. My head was far too noisy for conversation.

"May I inquire to what occupies your mind?" He asked as politely as usual. He was strange that way. I looked up at him, his eyes were stunning. There was something beyond their colour that drew you in. I shook my head trying to clear it.

"Just the typical thoughts, as you can imagine." I said forcing a smile. I appologised again, but he just shrugged. We were in the palace courtyard now. I caught a glimpse of Tore, his dark thick mop of hair was particularly riled. I met his eyes, he looked... hurt. A part of me rose up, what right did he have to expect my company exclusively? It annoyed me more than anything. I turned to Thomas who was still looking into my eyes. He was a lot closer than I preferred.

"You should be careful." He warned, it was one of those things you didn't expect, and immediately wanted to question.

"Careful about?" I inquired trying to sound light–carefree even. I knew instantly he didn't buy it.

"I would take a break from your training with Merrick." Thomas said his face now dangerously serious. "Not that you don't need it, it might be... safer." It shocked me at first, and a part of me was chilled to the bone. I decided then I was more than shocked at his words, I was terrified. But before I could ask why, and what he meant he was gone. The stable was clear of everyone. It was now no more comfortable than back home. Thoughts of Lord Gorath slunk into my head. I wanted them gone, I needed to talk to someone. Something told me that not just anyone would do.

I pulled the gloves closer to my elbows, making sure no skin was touchable. I headed away from the stables leaving Mav to the stable hands to groom and put to rest. I walked with muddled thoughts crowding my mind as I wondered back to my room. I had an aching feeling that I didn't belong. And a deeper more frightening thought: I would never belong.

I slipped through the door, I wanted to get away, instead of running I did the best I could. I slid a mahogany chair against the door. I wanted no interruption. Then I ran water in the bath, it was warm and relaxing. The bright torches burned bright against the walls. The windows in the larger part of the room flooded light through them. It was bright and sunny, though outside you could see a storm was brewing.

I reached into the drawer and pulled out my small notebook and a quill. I took both to the bath and sat in the water. I felt cold inside. There was little to keep me from sinking beneath the surface and drowning out the world. Instead I sat halfway in, halfway out shaking. The tears came, they were something I could hardly explain, they hurt. They seemed to come from a place I wasn't used to, some place deep in my chest. I felt the cold seep into my bones. I tried to contain the tears but they were hot and itchy. My face was red, I felt as though if I could just stay here things might get better. I knew I was just fooling myself, but it wasn't worth facing reality. It was too hard, much harder than anything back at home with Lord Gorath, and Tierra. Thinking of them made me only cry harder.

I looked at my soaking wet, cold, grimy body. It was flawed, I was flawed. I felt a self consciousness I hadn't felt before. Thomas' words came back to me, "You should be careful." It sent chills down my spine. I couldn't do anything right. I felt foolish and more out of place than I had ever felt before. "You don't belong here." Jase Crowsburrow's words flooded in along with the hundreds of others who must believe the same. I tried to convince myself this was what was bothering me, but I missed home. It was harder to admit than I thought it would be. The feeling behind both were the same. I was alone, alienated. Who could you talk to about being able to control who lived and who died? Who could control life and death?

I sat glumly in the water my stomach in a knot when there was a knock on the door. I debated for a moment just leaving whoever it was to knock. They needn't know I was here. But I told myself I was being childish and quickly slipped on a robe as I called out, "Coming!"

Before I answered the door I slid the chair loudly across the floor wincing at the sound as I went. Finally I opened the door just far enough for me to poke my head out. "Hello?" I questioned not sure what else to say.

"Hi." Said an uncomfortable blond haired boy, his brilliant eyes glimmering in the torchlight.

"What brings you here Thomas?" I asked curious for an answer, and painfully aware of my puffy red face.

"I was concerned." He said almost stiffly.

"It seems you made the trip for nothing," I said sounding a lot bolder than I felt. "I'm fine."

"I don't appreciate being lied to." Thomas cut in. His voice was soft, but that made it all the scarier.

"Listen, I don't know who urinated in your supper–" I began heatedly, I disliked being called a liar.

"Is it that hard to admit you're upset?" He asked gently.

"I'm just allergic to crying, makes my eyes all puffy and red." I said avoiding his question.

"Can I come in?" Thomas asked. "I have a message from Merrick."

"Sure." I said opening the door wider. As soon as he saw I was wearing a robe he got very uncomfortable. I thought about making him suffer, it would serve him right too, but I decided that was cruel.

"Wait here, I'll change. Trust me it'll only take a second." I said ignoring him.

Five minutes later I emerged from the wash room in shirt and pants, and of course, gloves; I hadn't realized how vulnerable I'd felt without them.

"That was quick." He said, still visibly uncomfortable.

"So you wanted to tell me something?" I asked pointedly. My face was still red and blotchy. It made me feel uncomfortable. I had tried rubbing at it but it only made it worse.

"Merrick said to tell you that if you want to continue training you may, but there's a catch."

"Yeah, what is it?" I asked unable to contain myself.

"You're going to have to fit in; Meaning you're going to have to go to the parties, wear the dresses... Everything." Thomas said all of this with great gravity.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"I can't tell you, all I can let you know is it could save Tore's life." Thomas looked almost envious at me, I couldn't decipher what it meant, and I wasn't sure I'd want to. Something told me there was a lot more to it.

"Okay, I'll do it." I said only knowing I was signing myself up for trouble. "When do I get to train?"

"Not for the next few days, then Merrick will send you a message." Thomas looked into my eyes, it was only for a moment, but I saw something. Something very real.

I saw fear.