101 Reasons (A HUNDRED AND ONE REASONS NOW AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES)

Reason Number 17

I'm not giving up.

Because that's what you do when

your dreams are more important than your fears

You go out there and ignore the odds

You focus on one thing

That your dreams come true.

-iamnotme.tumblr

I was about to go to Sierra's burial and skip the whole chemotherapy cycle altogether, I'll be dead like her anyway, so what's the use I thought. I walked out of my room to the kitchen armed with the best argument that I have for my Mom. I will probably use the 'I'm going to die anyway!' excuse. Yeah, that works all the time. When I reached the living room, I saw Sierra's dad in his suit a letter in his hands.

"Good morning." He smiled at me, as if Sierra's burial happened ten years ago.

"Sierra wants me to give you this; I included a photo of hers with your wig on. Do you want to have it back?"

"No." I said, afraid that I might say the wrong words to him; he probably shouldn't know that I have cancer like her daughter too, and my hair is on the brink of falling off by the next few cycles anyway.

"Sierra asked me to ask your permission first before I let her wear it when she's already sleeping in the casket." Sleeping I thought, what a wonderful and ironic way of saying it instead of the word dead. Though Sierra's dad is smiling I know that he's still sad.

"Of course. I gave it to her anyway." I smiled.

"Your Mom told me that you'll be skipping chemo just to attend the burial." Right! So Tito Sam is her weapon, brilliant! Never thought about that, I just nodded.

"I'm not here to keep you from being in Sierra's burial; I know Sierra would be happy if you are there. But I think Sierra would be a whole lot happier if you try to survive after all, remember she's your shooting star Ann. She just went up to heaven; she wouldn't enjoy much if she comes all of a sudden to fetch you at once." He kidded.

I laughed; I can't even imagine myself joking in times of loss. I can't even joke around about death in front of him even if I met Sierra for only a week or less.

"Live the life God has given you Ann, and never waste any bit of it." He said. After that he thanked my mother for raising such a wonderful child, if only he knew. He thanked me again briefly and excused himself, and then with a final wave he left.

I stared at the letter he gave me, thinking if I'll open it now or later. I decided to do it now.

Dear Ate Ann

Thank you for the wig you gave me and for being the big sister that I never had. I'll be seeing my Mommy soon, though I am really happy to see her, I'm quite sad to see Daddy alone. My sister doesn't go home much, she is busy studying. So Daddy will feel really alone. I'll ask Jesus to add one day for you to live every day until the day you reach 100. I love you Ate.