101 Reasons (A HUNDRED AND ONE REASONS NOW AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES)

Reason Number 31

"That's the advantage of insomnia.

People who go to bed early always complain that the night is too short,

but for those of us who stay up all night,

it can feel as long as a lifetime. You get a lot done."

—Banana Yoshimoto

It may be the feeling of sudden loneliness in the midnight air that made James stood up in his side of the couch and gaze upon the hanging moon just outside my window. I am wide awake that night because the large doses of medicines that they keep on giving me weakens me a lot. For that fact I should be sleeping now, but I'm scared, scared that when I surrender to this weakness my body cannot function to keep itself alive anymore.

I saw James silhouette move by the corner and I pretended so hard to be sound asleep. I have never seen James like this, lost in thoughts, confused as if he'll be jumping off the window as soon as he doesn't figure out what to do. The fact that I thought all was going well for all of us except me; James wiggled out of the comfort zone and stood by beside me. He could've just hugged Cassidy right there and then and they could be back together in flash, but he didn't. Instead he chose not to.

"Stop looking at me, it's giving me the creeps." He whispered.

"Want to stroll to the nursery?" I asked.

We crept silently out of my room and tiptoed our way to the nursery. We sat by the couch just outside and look at the serene faces of the newborns.

"Hey, look at the fat one." James said pointing to some random baby in a crib.

"Bro. They're all fat." I said leaning at him.

"Hey what happened to calling me Kuya?" he rested his head on mine.

"Well people change." I said quietly. He snickered. And his gaze again went back to the sleeping babies.

"Do you think it's worth it?" I asked.

"What is?" He asked.

"You know, you letting Cass go, when in fact you can have her right there and then?"

"Is it worth it for Lee then? How he didn't sleep almost a week just to get a B plus in Chem?"

"Duh. Of course it is."

"It is for me too. If Cassidy cannot wait for me to gather up all my courage to ask her out then she's not worth it. If she really likes me the way she's telling me now then she should've waited. You girls don't know how nerve wracking it is to ask a pretty girl out."

We sat again in silence. I didn't know James still feels that, I mean he's handsome. Every girl in school swarms when he and Stan walk by the corridor. Every Valentine's Day he gets loads of letters from girls, not only letters but chocolates and even stuff toys. How the hell does that doesn't boost up your confidence? If I were in that situation I'd be walking with my head held high and would be asking any girl out minus the nerves.