In The Front Seat

In The Front Seat 3

In the front seat.

Pam came into my room that evening and lightly patted me. I opened my eyes and sat up.

"Aww sorry to wake you honey, I've got to go see nana, help her out for tomorrow." I nodded.

"Erm are you staying in?" She asked.

"Well I wanted to go to a sleepover, but I thought you would want me to stay in." I said. She shook her head.

"No, if you want to spend the night at a friends house, why not! Just be careful, and mind what you eat. I will call you tomorrow afternoon, to check if you are alright, just be safe." She smiled. I hugged her goodbye, and she soon left. I sat there thinking, I had slept for a while. From two o'clock, right down to eight. I felt a little weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I was grateful. I combed through my hair and put it up, and wore some tracksuit bottoms and a tight white t-shirt. I put a little make up on and left the house with my phone, keys and oyster card. I waited at the bus stop and stared at my phone, I had not switched it on for that whole afternoon, looking at it made me frown. Whoever discovered technology has ruined some people's lives, computers, phones, everything. My stomach growled, I had not eaten in days, maybe a few fruit bars, but I avoided proper food, Pam hadn't realise, I just couldn't. Everything was too much for me, so I left things, vital things out of my system, and I was taking in things that can be seen as garbage to somebody else. I got the bus all the way to Michael's, it felt like it was taking years, when in fact it took ten minutes. I walked down his road, and saw two of his friends, they walked past as normal, what happens is I don't talk to them, they don't talk to me, not because they hate me, they just don't like being associated with another boys girl, especially because they were tight. Yanzy slightly smiled at me, I smiled back and walked to Michael's door. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes properly and cleared my throat. I adjusted myself for whatever emotion he throws at me, the way he is still leaves me confused at times. I knocked the door, I waited for a while and he opened the door, he looked surprise to see me, his face lit up for a moment, then he gave me a look.

"I'm sorry! I just had a lot of things to do with Pam." I quickly said as I walked him, he was walking off. I closed the door.

"You put your phone off, why? Does doing things with your mum mean you got to put your phone off?" He said. I shook my head, I didn't know what to say. I felt blank, I frowned and he stared at me and came closer.

"Baby what's wrong, open up to me, just tell me? Is it me? Do you still want this relationship? Am I doing something wrong?" He kept throwing fast sharp questions at me and it really wasn't the case.

"Michael..." I went to him and he hugged me. "It's not you babe, it's just I need a break, I feel really squashed with everything." I felt like I was about to break down, but I held on and decided not to, I can't break down now.

"It's alright, I'll make it better yeah." I looked at him and smiled, he smiled at me and kissed me slowly.

"Your amazing Shannon, I can't see me without you. It's not right," He said. That put a smile on my face, I stoked his face and sighed.

"I love you Michael,"

"Me too. Come I'll cook you something to eat." He took me into the kitchen, I hadn't told him I'd been taking contraception pills lately, I couldn't, I really don't know what he'd do to me, I can't tell him something like that, he'd flip. I also haven't told him that I haven't eaten in a while, I mean, eating hurts. He had made some pasta, I sighed and looked at it, dreading it entering my mouth. He made a full meal, chicken was made, pasta, with some bread, he warmed it up for me as I sat down staring at my thighs which were loosing a lot of weight. I got off the table and stood there quietly, watching his body language, how he looked at me, why was this guy so in love with me? Everything he ever did was around me, he told me everything, he's open with his feelin gs, and always wants me to be there for him. He got a tray and put my dinner on it and we went to the living room. I sat down with him and he put it on my lap, handing me a fork and watching me closely. I stared at the plate with disgust, not because he made it, because I couldn't eat it, there was too much, and it was impossible for me to digest this, I really wanted to vomit, even with my empty stomach. Vomit all the rubbish that have gassed up my head, all the nasty vibes and memories of the last couple of years.