My Life, My Fate, My Story

It's the end

Author Notes:

It's about to end... I love you all... No matter if you have been with me at the very start. (These are Emily's words)

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Love,

CheyenneCupCake

18/5/2014

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It’s the end.

 

I’ve been living with the hate for so long, I’ve lost count when it all had started. I kept my practices of cutting and… Well, you know it. I know they are still concerned about me, especially Steven. He has been texting me every day, every moment he had free.

 

I hid my scars with my bracelets. Thank god I had quite a lot of them, my scars had piled up from my wrists to my arms. The 1D boys seems to have caught glimpse of the scars, since they kept looking at my wrists. Every time they looked at me, I adverted their gaze to something else.

 

I don’t know how long I could keep up this show. I’m breaking inside, so hard that I can’t fix myself anymore. I try to smile, but then, no one seems to care. In this time, I’ve lost all sense of pride. I really want to do something, but I keep failing. I thought that my life would improve, but now. How did it go? I’m back to where I was years ago. I’ve failed myself and my family once again.

 

Everyday I lock myself up in my apartment, looking at the white walls. These four walls that faces me everyday, every night, every moment. What have I signed up for? I thought that I’ll be happy for the rest of my life, but I guess not.

 

I realise that no one would help me anymore. I’m a piece of trash. I live under their empathy. They take care of me because they pity me. I don’t want that anymore. I want to smile like I used to, joke like I want to, do what I want to. This is different, everything is different.

 

I wonder, if I have not returned. Would anything change? Would I still be like how I was before and wouldn’t live with the hate? Would I be happier? Would I be with my friends from my old school? Would I still be in school? I don’t know and I really want to know. I want to know if I had made the wrong choice coming here. It’s the first time I have doubt on my choice.

 

I turn on my computer, logging into twitter. I know the hate there would be the worse, going there would just be slapping yourself. I know that, but I still want to know what the people think of me.