I have to start on a factual research paper in English, so here's the purging of my emotions. Have fun... and sorry. And how weird is it that I wrote a one shot about Malec moving in together, and then Alec suggests it in this week's episode?
Magnus could feel himself already petrifying. His feelings were numb as he watched the funeral procession.
"Are you okay?" Jace and Clary asked once the funeral was over.
"Not in the least," Magnus said plainly.
"You don't seem that upset?" Jace inquired curiously. He could still feel the pain of Alec's death. It felt as if his soul was being ripped out. A part of him died with Alec.
"I've began to fade from the world. Without Alec, my world has lost some of its luster," Magnus explained.
"Magnus, I hope you don't blame yourself," Clary said.
"Clary's right. We have a dangerous job as shadowhunters. All of us have to be willing to possibly give our lives to the world. Unfortunately it was Alec who gave his life this time. We'll all mourn, but soon accept that Alec gave the ultimate sacrifice, and will be remembered for that."
Tears formed in Magnus' eyes, "You don't understand. I had a tremendously horrible feeling about the mission, but I let it go. I let him go. If I would've convinced him to stay back with me, he'd still be here. He would still be my partner, and he would still be Max's father. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go home to see my son." Magnus quickly turned on his heel before the tears fell from his eyes. He portalled back to his home, trying to quickly calm himself down.
"Are you okay?" Catarina asked as Magnus arrived home. Max was playing in his bedroom.
Magnus couldn't speak. It was all too much. Catarina quickly wrapped her arms around Magnus.
"I have to spend the rest of my life without him," Magnus sobbed. "Never in all my life, with anyone I've been with, have I felt what he made me feel."
"He was the one person you truly loved," Catarina said, "Oh, Magnus, I'm so sorry."
"What the hell are you sorry for? You didn't do anything," Magnus said in an attempt to lighten conversation. He dried his eyes as best he could. "What I wouldn't give, though, to go back and convince him to stay home, or at least kiss him one last time."
"Magnus," Catarina had a stern warning tone, "You know the rules of magic."
"I would never. It would be too risky."
"Promise me you won't do anything."
"I promise. Anyway, thank you very much for babysitting."
Magnus said goodbye to Catarina. Then he walked into Max's room.
"Papa!" The three year old exclaimed happily. He ran into Magnus' arms, and at that moment, Magnus knew he had to stay strong, and not let himself become completely emotionally distant for Max's sake. He didn't want to leave Max without both of his fathers, just because Magnus was being selfish. Max would keep him from complete petrification.
********
Magnus woke suddenly. Immediately his hands moved to the area of the bed next to him. There was something there. Could it be? Was it all just a horrible nightmare? Slowly, Magus opened his eyes. It took everything in him not to burst into tears as the now familiar pain and darkness fell over his heart. Petrification. It wasn't Alec next to him, as he hoped, it was Max. Alec has been dead for two years, yet Magnus still hurts. I must stay strong though. Max will be with me forever. He will need me for many more years. I must stay strong, for him.
