Omg, an actual, for real, on time update?!
Suggested by: TheDragonThatStayed
Alec woke up feeling depressed. This was his usual mood for a while now. He hadn't been the same after what happened. Alec laid in bed, staring at the ceiling as he saw the events happen again in his mind. The pain, the heartbreak, everything that he felt when he watched Magnus die, just a couple weeks ago. Everything, the pain, the memories, still felt like a fresh wound; he hadn't even begun to heal yet. Almost robotically, Alec got out of bed and made himself a cup of coffee. He held back fresh tears as they formed when he remembered waking up and making coffee with Magnus. He looked around, memories of Magnus were everywhere. Maybe I should move back into the institute, Alec thought. The coffee was ready, Alec slowly drank a cup before pouring a second and going to get dressed. He was going through the motions of life, numb to the world around him; numb to himself.
Alec still worked hard at the institute, constantly training without a break, completely over working himself.
"Alec, you need to stop," Izzy said, "I know this all hurts, but you're going to work yourself to death. You've been going nonstop ever since—" she stopped herself.
"Since when Izzy? Go on say it!" Alec spat. Izzy stayed silent. "Since Magnus died?" Alec yelled as he threw down his bow and quiver to the ground and angrily left the training room.
Alec found himself in his old institute bedroom. With a sigh, he knelt down to do what he's done when he felt particularly upset over Magnus' death.
"Magnus? Why did you have to leave me? I need you here, you were the person I loved most in the world. How am I supposed to even function here without you beside me. I just wish..." Alec stopped himself, did he really want this? "I just wish I could join you. Maybe that's why I work to hard now. I think I secretly hope I would die, just to see you again. I love you, Magnus. I still do and always will."
This time, the prayer he said didn't make him feel any better. In fact, he was feeling worse about everything. He fell to the ground and resisted to beat his fists against the ground.
"Prayers are useless, fucking useless!" Alec yelled. After a couple seconds, he swallowed his feelings, got up, and went back to the training room. He took a seraph blade and trained as hard as he could, not caring about the consequences.
This behavior continued for the next several days, Alec spiraling out of control. He was looking through Magnus' closet, looking for anything to make him feel something. Instead, he found a box with seven envelopes, all addressed to him. Alec took the top one and opened it.
Alexander, My Love,
If you're reading these, it means that I have unfortunately passed. Know that I love you an indescribable amount and that I did not want you to be the one who outlived me. I knew that someday you would pass of old age, and as much as I did not want that, I was prepared for the inevitable. I planned to do as much as I could with you with the little time we had. You were my first real love, and I think what we had was really true love. You were my soul mate, Alexander, and I still love you with my entire being.
Love, Magnus
Alec felt tears form as he read. He picked up the second letter.
My Dearest Alexander,
I do not think that anyone expected us to be together. I mean, you were going to marry Lydia when you decided to walk off the altar and kiss me. You stood up to your mother and kissed me in front of everyone, at your own wedding, to a women. It was amazing, and I was happy I finally got you to see that you felt something for me. I knew, as soon as I saw you at my party, that I felt something for you and we would have something together. You were so awkward and cute; I loved that about you. You were the complete balance to my extravagance. I loved that about you. Fast forward to our first date, where, surprise, you were extremely awkward and nervous. Do you remember how you immediately spilled your drink and I had to let you borrow a shirt? I came down just in time to see you shirtless. I think that was the hardest I have ever seen you blush.
Love, Magnus
Alec giggled to himself and blushed at the memory of their first date.
Alexander, My Shadowhunter,
The next big moment in our relationship was our first time. You were eager to take the next step in our relationship, and I was there with you, wanting to take it slow, but also not at the same time. I just do not think that I knew exactly what was going on inside of your head sometimes. However, that night was amazing, you were graceful and confident, completely different from the shy and awkward Alexander I had first met. The change was amazing, and made me love you even more. You had finally grown to love yourself, and it showed in your confidence change. I mean, you were the one who suggested sex to me! You were incredibly sexy that night. I mean, you are all the time, but that night especially.
Love, Magnus
Alec rolled his eyes lovingly as he read the last part of the letter. The sadness suddenly came over again as he realized he wasn't able to see Magnus again.
My Darling Alexander,
Do you remember the day you asked to move in with me? It feels like so long ago, but was only about a year or two I think. At this point, we had been together for what? 2 months? I would have loved for you to move in, but we were going too fast then. I wanted to go slow, take my time with you, do this relationship right, and I did not want any chances of you being hurt. Who knew, that just a year later, you would finally move in with me. I was never happier, in all my life, than I was going to sleep and waking up next to you every day, and I was glad we waited, just a little bit.
Love, Magnus
Alec took the last letter. He could feel that there was something more than just a piece of paper waiting for him. Slowly, he opened the envelope and took out the paper. He looked down at his lap as something else fell. When he picked up the object, he gasped, but it came out as a sob. It was a gold wedding band. He put the ring on his finger, then read the last letter through the tears running down his cheeks.
My Beloved Alexander,
This is my final request, my parting wish, that only you must hear and act on. Please, my love, do not worry about me anymore. Don't try to kill yourself just to get to me, and do not even think about trying to bring me back, that type of magic never goes well. We will see each other again, and I will be right there to receive you, arms open wide. I've given repentance for wrongs I have done. However, as the son of the most powerful demon in the downward, I will not be there in heaven with you and the angels. That being said, I will find a way to be with you, even just for a moment, but only when it is your time. Until then, know that I'm waiting for you. I'm willing to wait as long as I need to, so do not even think about cutting your time short.
I love you.
Love, Magnus
Alec couldn't stop the sobs that tore through his body. He curled up in a ball on the floor of the bedroom, wishing for the pain and darkness inside of him to pass.
