My Sexual Reality

Sex and the city- Chapter 17 (Finale part I)

Announcement! : This Chapter (17) ... is part of a two part finale! yes, the book is coming to an end in the next chapter! So hope you all enjoy the fist part of the Finale! xoxo - SEX and the city ;) .

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I'm sitting with my head rested upon the frame of the airplane's window, staring out at the strikingly breathtaking view of what's beneath me, thousands of feet in the air. The great aesthetic pleasure from such a sight brings bliss to my eyes and a greater appreciation for life and such tranquil. Being lost in the view I start envisaging on the one thing that's haunting my conscience, Isaac's reaction to the emailed letter I wrote him. I can't bare the feeling of knowing it's going to hurt him so much, I feel like I pushed my hands through his chest and I'm slowing ripping out his heart while looking into his teary brown eyes. No matter how hard I try to get it off my mind I keep repeating the hardest letter I ever had to write...

"Dear Isaac,                                            

This is around my tenth attempt at writing this letter, I can't bring myself to tell you this but if I don't it's gonna haunt me for the rest of my life. I'm just so sorry, I'm so, so sorry Isaac, I can't stop crying through this, I feel like a long needle has been driven into my heart and it gradually inserts deeper with each word I write. It pains me so much that I have to do this but you told me the truth, and it's time that you know my truth, so here it goes.

A few weeks ago when the pain of the emotional scar you brought upon me was fresh, I was so demoralized by the whole thing that I went through a rebellious phase. I was so depressed by it everyone was worried about my mental state and I was forced to see the school's counselor. Wanting to open up more and just have fun, I went to a huge party at Alex's house. As you should know judging from the party experience you explained to me, these parties can get pretty insane and unfortunately, I too was encouraged into taking ecstasy.

After taking it, next thing you know I'm at your house, completely intoxicated. I tried to drown my sorrows with the devil's pills and liquids but it seems like it just brought my emotional demons out more.

While searching for you, your brother Jasper saw my inebriated state and carried me inside. If he hadn't basically saved me from myself I don't know what would have happened. The next thing I remembered after that is sneaking away to his room when he went to the kitchen. I don't know what I was thinking; I guess I wasn't thinking at all.

 In his room I came across a gun and I can vaguely remember spinning with it, or maybe it was just the dizziness from the intoxication I'm not sure, but fortunately he came in time to stop my stupidity. I was so worn out; my head felt like it was made of cement as it kept getting heavier. Seeing that I couldn't get back on my feet he let me lie on his bed and tried to get me to sleep it off. I couldn't help but admire him, and as hard as this is for me to say Isaac, in my drunken state I made a move and kissed him.

After that happened I didn't feel guilty about hurting you because to be honest, I didn't even want to think about you at that time, you broke me.

However, the day got worse, and so does this letter.

When I got up, we talked for hours, I was so appreciative for what he did for me and to be honest, I was still attracted to him even in a sober state.

Anyway, following our time together Carly came to pick me up and we went over at her house, I was spending the weekend there. Rebecca was also with us so finally I was reunited with them again after leaving them the previous night at Alex's party. However, being back at her house wasn't a good idea because while there a situation lead to a fight. Rebecca came across Carly's diary and couldn't fight the urge to see what was inside. I know it was a rude invasion of her privacy but I'm glad she couldn't have fought that urge.