Once Upon A Twisted Fate

Fifteen. -Trouble Trouble Trouble

I wondered what goes through a tightrope walker’s mind when he or she is walking up the steps to meet the rope itself. And then, what goes to their heads when they finally reach the top? What about when they stood at the edge of the platform, having to take their first step on the braided fibres? Do their hearts stop if they accidentally look down? That was the epitome of my feelings when I saw the note. No, for the past few days, I’ve been a tightrope walker without realizing it.

                I walked up the steps, bracing myself for the truth from Dillan. I was no professional, so I could either fall or land safely on the platform. His words could harm me or ease me, I didn’t know, but I took the risk, landing safely on top, except having no clue I was so high up. When the cat was out of the bag, that was when I took my first step on the tightrope. I wasn’t aware of how Dillan’s niceness would affect me. There could be two possibilities: I could feel ecstatic, having both my feet planted safely on the rope, able to balance myself without fail, or the height could overwhelm me as I was not used to being so high up. This time, gravity won. I fell from the rope. But whether the safety net below caught me was still questionable.

                All the things a tightrope walker would’ve felt, I felt it.

                The blue coloured paper absorbed the vibration of my quivering hands, swaying along unevenly. What have I done? I asked myself. But a second later, Tia’s face appeared in my thoughts, turning my grey matter into a ball of confusion. There was no way I could face Dillan again without straightening my own whirlwind of emotions. If what Cassandra said was true, that Matt still haunted me till this day, I ought to talk to him and get myself back on track. I wasn’t sure if I had the guts to, honestly. Picturing myself doing it already made me nervous, let alone actually doing it. We haven’t talked since the breakup, which was more than a year ago. For me to appear randomly and ask him about our past didn’t sound like the most normal thing to do. He might misunderstand me, thinking I hadn’t moved on. But what Dillan thinks mattered to me more right now. I was on the fence, clearly, but who said doing the right thing was ever easy?

                                                             .~'.*.'~.

Pacing back and forth in my room, I asked myself the same question over and over again, debating with my thoughts the pros and cons of the outcome. If I went to Cassandra’s house today, I’d have to face Dillan again, ‘cause of our little deal of the soup. I was not ready to face him just yet, not after what he’s left me. But what about Tia? What was he doing sending me a note when there was something going on between the both of them? Could there have been anything at all, though? What if I was just thinking too much? Still, I wanted to see Matt before talking to Dillan. That way, at least a fraction of my feelings would be sorted out. Hopefully. Since the possibility of me seeing Dillan if I went to Cassandra’s would be 99.9%, I didn’t want to go. The 0.1% was the probability of him cancelling on the plan, which I highly doubt. But what excuse could I give?

                While I was on the verge of giving up, I picked up my phone and dialed Cassandra’s number. Perhaps she could come up with something.

                “No, Dillan, the left. My left, not yours,” Cassandra said on the other line, obviously not to me. I heard a slam of what could be a drawer before she focused on our conversation. “Bad timing,” she whispered loudly and I heard a squeak of a door. She probably moved away from her current position, which I assumed was the kitchen.

                “He’s already there?” I asked.

                “Yeah, he came by about an hour ago. You wouldn’t believe what we talked about.”