Abigail

Chapter 10

I closed my textbook and rested my elbows on it, dropping my head into my hands. There’s only so much information I can take in such a short time. Technically we’ve been studying for like four hours, but it’s still short considering the test is Friday.

                “You did good. Lasted longer than I thought.” Zach praised, stretching and then leaving the room, probably to the bathroom.

                I pushed the studying supplies off my lap and stood to get a drink of water as the doorbell rang. I frowned, looking at the time on my phone and wondering who would show up so late, especially since we don’t know anyone.

                I hesitantly approached the door, unlocking it and pulling it open slowly. No one’s ever rang our doorbell before and I don’t think we ever knew we had one. The only person we know outside of this house is Zach and he’s gotten to the point where he can just walk in and my brother’s wouldn’t care.

                I felt a rush of cold air and then noticed a guy holding three pizza boxes and a white bag on top of it. I raised my eyebrows and looked around in confusion, in case my brothers came in without me noticing, but we never order food, they always make it. Maybe they have the wrong address?

                “Um,” I stuttered, crossing my arms and biting my lip so my teeth didn’t start chattering. “We didn’t-“

                “I got it.” Zach called, walking up behind me and pulling out his wallet. My jaw almost dropped at all the hundred dollar bills he had in there, but I stopped myself from asking questions. How he gets his money is none of my business and I don’t want to sound poor and desperate.

                Zach took the boxes and handed them to me, giving the guy the money and taking a bottle of soda from him. He closed the door and then took the boxes into the kitchen, leaving me standing there in confusion.

                “Did my brothers tell you to do that?”

                Zach placed the boxes on the stove and put the soda in the fridge, turning around to glance at me before opening a bunch of cabinets until he found the cups and plates. “No, I’m starving and I figured I’d just order food for everyone since I’m helping you study.”

                You don’t know what starving really is.

                I bit my lip to stop myself from screaming that at him and moved to the fridge to get a bottle of water as the front door opened. I chugged as much of it as I could down until my stomach felt bloated and fat and left the room, returning to my seat on the couch and listening to Alex talk to Zach about stuff I couldn’t hear.

                I stared at the blank TV and thought about the pizza in the kitchen, its smell filling the whole house and choking me with the calories. I’m gaining weight just smelling it.

                I leaned forward and held my head, trying to breathe evenly. I couldn’t think straight now that there’s food on my mind and I definitely couldn’t freak out in front of Zach. He’ll never talk to me again and this might be the only person that will ever talk to me willingly. I can’t ruin that.

                “Hey, Abby,” someone kneeled down in front of me and put one hand on my knee, stroking my hair with the other. “What’s wrong?”

                “Everything.” I whispered, running my fingers through my hair, but digging my nails into my scalp. Sometimes I want to be like this, so that I’m more likely to lose weight and kill myself, but the other part of me just wants this pain to end. It’s never gray, always black and white.