The End Is Only the Beginning

26. Starting Over Again

26. Starting Over Again

- Aaron's POV -

Tuesday eventually rolled around, and with it came another session of CBT.

Over the last few days Caleb had gone AWOL. He'd made his confession, and then avoided school and my phone calls following. Still, I couldn't get Caleb out of my mind; even sat at the couch in Jennifer's office I couldn't stop thinking about him.

'I kissed you after I found out about Lindy, and I still don't regret it.'

"So, how have you been?" Jennifer asked.

"Good," I answered, forgetting where I was for a second. "Slowly getting there at least," I added, and Jennifer nodded as if she was taking in every word.

"Well, before we get into a discussion about anything that's on your mind I just need you to fill out one of these questionnaires," Jennifer instructed, flipping through a folder of sheets. "It's the same as the one you did last week, just so any changes can be monitored."

I accepted the paper, staring down at it like it was something completely outrageous.

"Take your time," Jennifer said.

                I definitely took my time.

It took me ten minutes to fill the questionnaire out, and Jennifer didn't rush me once. She just sat in silence, flipping through the papers on her lap and picking at her light-painted nails while I stared at each questions for a couple of seconds before answering.

Once I had finished Jennifer took it back, looking at my answers and giving it a score. "An improvement since last week," she spoke.

"Yeah?" And if Caleb's face flashed through my mind, Jennifer didn't need to know.

Jennifer changed her position, crossing a leg over the other. "Ok, so where should we start?" she questioned, her pen at the ready as she rested a notebook on her lap.

"I told my ex that I'm gay, and my best friend."

"Well done, Aaron. That must feel like a huge weight off of your shoulders?" She scribbled as she spoke, not even looking at the paper.

I nodded, and Jennifer smiled again - that usual sympathetic, yet encouraging smile. "I don't feel like my entire life's a secret anymore, ya know?" She nodded.

"I'm assuming they took your announcement well? You seem positive about how it went."

"Lindy was fine about it, until I told her about the affair," I continued quickly. "But Jorge was good, in fact he was great."

Jennifer scribbled some more. "That's wonderful news, good for you Aaron," a genuine smile appeared on her face. "But, the affair? You didn't mention that last week. Do you want to tell me some more about that? Has it been impacting your mood?"

"Yes," I answered, not sure which question I was answering.

"Is it ongoing?"

I shrugged. "It was over the summer, in Miami," I answered - Jennifer looked down as she scribbled this time. "It was supposed to end with the summer, be a thing of the past. But then Caleb turned up at my school."

He was sat at the lunch table the first time I saw him in New York. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when I saw dirty-blonde hair, shaggy and a little too long, just like Caleb's was. Maybe I'd spent so much time dreaming about him - replaying our time together on repeat in my head - that I was beginning to lose it.