My Sunshine (John Lauren's X Reader)

[11] Cutting

That Vine video is completely made by me. If you wanna follow my YouTube account, it's: OML Oh My Loki. Shameless self-promo
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[kinda a dark chapter...]

YOUR P.O.V

"YOU MISSED A SPOT!!"

"I-I'm sorry miss"

"Sorry won't fix it young lady!!"

She raised her hand and slapped me across the face. I backed away a little, stopping when I realized the stairs were behind me

"You're useless! We should've just kept you in that orphanage. You don't deserve us! You're stupid, annoying, ugly, fat and an incredible SLUT!!"

Tears fell down my cheeks

"Oh so you're gonna cry now? Should I bring you to your mother? Oh wait...SHE'S DEAD!! And it's your fault!! If they let her go first, maybe she would've survived!! The world is better off without you!!"

She pushed me down the stairs and the back of my head hit the ground hard

I shot up, breathing heavily. Another flashback. I noticed that John was stirring a bit and he slowly opened his eyes

"Y/N, are you okay? Wait...Y/N? What happened?! WHERE ARE WE? WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!"

I tried to remember but everything was blurry.

"We're still wearing our clothes, so I assume not much"

I said, trying to hold back tears

"I-I have to use the bathroom real quick"

I said as I rushed towards the bathroom. I locked the door and let myself fall to the ground, letting the tears stream down my face.

Was she right? Was it my fault? She could've survived. They both could've. If it wasn't for me. It was my fault that they died. I was useless, I only made this world a worse place.

(Trigger warning)

I stood up and walked towards the mirror, looking at my red puffy eyes and tears rolling down my face

'Look at your ugly face. You don't deserve to be alive. No one likes you'

I haven't had these voices again ever since my grandfather passed away. When I was dealing with depression and started cutting myself.

I looked towards the right side of the sink and noticed scissors laying there. A part of my brain said that I hurt myself enough, but the other side said the world was better off without me.

The side that said I should kill myself won. I grabbed the scissors and sat moved towards the shower, so the blood could stream away from the shower drain.

I held one scissor blade across my left wrist and cut it. Each second cutting myself deeper. I tried to hold back a sob but failed miserably. A loud sob was heard through the bathroom.

I looked at my wrist as blood furiously streamed down my arm. A big pool of dark red liquid streamed down the shower drain.

"Y/N, are you okay? I heard sobs, is something going on?"

I heard John's voice say

"I-I'm Fine"

I said as I cut myself another time, much deeper this time. I let out another sob and hoped he didn't hear it.

"No you're not, I can hear you. Are you presentable?"

"John, I'm fine, thanks for asking"

I cut myself again and another sob escaped

"I'm coming in Y/N. I really hope you are presentable"

I quickly got up and put the scissors back on the sink. Just then John kicked in the door and ran towards me

"Are you oka-Oh my god, you're arm"

"My arm? Oh that!"

I said sheepishly. He walked towards me and held my arm.

"These are cuts.....did you make them?"

"N-no"

I lied

His eyes wandered around the room and landed on the scissors

"Y/N no....."

He mumbled. I felt myself grow weaker because of the blood loss. He noticed the huge pool of blood under the shower.

He looked towards me. His face was filled with worry and sorrow. My knees started shaking and my head was pounding. I lost too much blood. I fell to the ground and John kneeled down beside me. He held me close to his chest.

"We have to get you to a hospital"

"I'm fine"

You mumbled, so soft, you could barely even hear yourself

"No you're not"

He picked you up bridal style

"We're going to a hospital and we're going now"

He walked into the living room

"LUCIA!!!"

He yelled. A loud grunt was heard from upstairs.

"WE HAVE TO GET TO A HOSPITAL"

Then I heard a door being thrown open. Loud and quick footsteps came from the stairs

Then I heard a loud sob

"Dio moi, Y/N!!!"

Lafayette and Herc must've woken up when John yelled, because a big floof covered my sight as I heard Herc mumble some colorful words

Lucia held her hand to my forehead

"She's losing conscious! We have to move quickly. Laf, grab some towels from the kitchen and come to the garage. Herc, Stay here and tell everyone, when they wake up, that we are in the hospital. Try to keep them calm. Especially her grandmother. She will freak out"

Lafayette and Herc nodded. The big floof disappeared and Herc was walking back to the couch, looking down, trying to hide his tears

John followed Lucia to the garage, me still in his arms. Lucia opened the door for John and he climbed onto the backseat. He laid me down so my head was resting on his lap. He softly stroked my hair

"Don't worry Y/N. You're gonna be fine. We're gonna get you to a hospital and you will survive okay? You will survive"

"But I don't want to"

I mumbled

"What?"

"I don't want to survive. I don't deserve to live. I killed my parents, I'm ugly, no one loves me and I bring people into trouble"

"Y/N!! You didn't kill your parents. You couldn't have helped them. In no way you could've"

Lucia said from the driver seat, trying to hold back sobs

"Y/N, you're so wrong. I don't know what happened to your parents, but when I listen to Lucia, I always believe her. And you're not ugly, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You don't bring people into trouble, you only make them happier. And you have people who love you. Lucia, your grandmother......me. Y/N, please stay with me"

Then Laf ran in with five towels. John quickly took them and wrapped them around my arm

"Now stay with me. You will survive. For Lucia, for your grandmother....for me"

I heard Lucia start the car as my vision started getting blurry

"Y/N, do you hear me? Stay with me!!"

Then my vision went black. The last thing I heard before blacking out was John crying while Laf tried to comfort him.