Expectations

Chapter 25

The salt in the air fills my lungs as I let the sand slip through my fingers. Clenching my fist closed, I force the sand to stay in the palm of my hand. If only life worked this way. If only I could control my life like the grains of sand in my hand.

I let my hand go limp and watch the grains slip through the cracks in my fingers, much like everything else.

I hate my dad. I hate what he's done, who he's become. I hate that he tore our family apart. Granted, both he and my mom rode high on the perks of my fame since the beginning, but he took it too far.

How could he do this to me? How could he jeopardize our reputation so easily? You'd think he would realize the consequences after the first time this happened.

Or the second.

Or even the third.

He loves my fame so much you'd think he'd do everything in his power to keep it. You'd think if not even for me, he'd want to keep up his own reputation to help his new wine company out considering it was his baby.

One of the first things my dad did when I became famous was try to make his own name for himself. He couldn't stand living in my shadow so he immersed himself into any company or product that he could manage to squeeze himself into to get his name known.

Somehow, a wine company was willing to work with him and involve him in their business. Now he's the face of the company and even helps run the vineyards out in California. I think he begged for that part more than anything, wanting to be away from my mom in our home back in New York or out on the road trapped in a bus.

Even before my fame, my parent's marriage was a little rocky. They had me at such a young age, out of wedlock, and I think I'm the only reason they got married in the first place. Even then, before everything blew up for me, we had some financial struggles that added to the stress of their relationship. My parents have never been the perfect couple.

Regardless, my dad has no reason to go out and cheat on my mom. I don't care how bad their relationship is, no kid should have to hear their mom cry hysterically over the phone for hours with such public news that her husband is with other women.

That's why I was gone for most of the day. Chris and my team handled most of the damage control while I sat on the phone trying to console my mother.

How did my life get so fucked up?

As much as I love my job, sometimes I wish I could just be normal. I wish I could have a normal family and friends. I wish my life was my own instead the headline of a magazine. I wish I could go out and live my life without any judgment or fear. I shouldn't even be out here on the beach by myself right now. How sad is that? I feel like the only time I'm allowed to be alone is in the bathroom.

Letting out a sigh, I let the last of the sand fall from my hand. I look up at the waves, watching them roll in with the light breeze, trying to let them calm me.