Meet me on the bridge

Chapter 9

What can I say? Those voices are getting the best of me. Peter looked at me nodding to my question about being thirsty as I hand him a drink. As I sit down with him next to me, I think about what the voices were saying, the plan they had.

I sigh softly and Peter calls over his puppy which was adorable, and helped me get my mind off the voices. I look at the puppy and gently started to pet him. Peter smiling at me and wrapped his arm around me humming softly.

He was always so happy, I wish I was that happy. No worries, no bleeding, no parents that want you dead. Peter knew something was wrong with me, I could tell he knew. But how do you tell someone you love voices in your head are telling you that they have a plan to kill yourself.

Peter just let me pet his dog as he sat there silently. He knows I just don't want to talk sometimes. It's hard for me to talk sometimes, I can't explain it.
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Summer is almost over, I've been in my room for now most of it. Peter texting and calling here and there. I am scared for school to start, scared of everyone knowing Peter and I are dating. I sat at my desk silently.

My father would beat the shit out of me, and some nights he wasn't home. I looked at my notebook that is labeled, 'the big plan' with notes. I glance at it tapping my pencil on the paper.

The voices would take over and tell me what to write, what to do, and how to do it.

You're an idiot. Write which bridge, so useless. You can't just go to a bridge and jump do research. It has to be a bridge that is the highest off the ground, water or not, die or drown trying to live. Which you won't I'll make sure you pick the right bridge.

You'll write a note for the cops, for your parents, and for the boy that doesn't love you. You heard me, he doesn't love you. Putting hopes in your head you dumbass.

Back to the bridge. Open your laptop and start looking up bridges. Biggest one, with shallow water under, or cemented roads, oh maybe cars moving so when you fall they will hit you. You'd like that, quick, because you can't take pain you whimp.

Silence, as I scroll through my laptop. I find the perfect bridge. The one my voice was telling me, it was really shallow water and is known for suicides, cars would be driving by to see me jump. See me end my life, end my terrible life that I don't want to be apart of. But when? When do I do it? What do I say? How do I do it..? I need help.. but my voice isn't answering me.

I start writing down the bridges name, where it is located, what is at the bottom, the rate of people who died from jumping off, and the rate of people who survived when they jumped. The death rate was higher though.

The rate of survival is pretty high don't you think?

'Well you weren't answering when I found it, now it is on paper. That's the bridge we are using..' I think to myself.

What if you survive? Wouldn't that be terrible? Don't you want to die? Why not a highway one? A busy highway, so that you know for sure cars will hit you and crush you.

'This is the bridge! Okay? Now help with the damn note and stop nitpicking the bridge I picked!'

Feisty, you are writing the note now? Our plan won't happen until around November. Oh let's do a holiday.

'No that's too far. No holiday. And yes we are writing the note now. If we want to change it we will.'

We. Funny hearing you say that. Growing up you hated me. But now that you see how worthless you are you want to listen and end it all? That's fine by me. Here I'll tell you exactly what to say.

Which is what the voice exactly did. I wrote 3 pages worth of a suicide note. I close the book when I hear a knock at my bedroom door. I scramble and hide my book where no one will find it and clear my search history.

No one can know my plans. No one but me and my voice. I growl softly when I stub my toe on my desk, I guess I was lost in thought. I walk to the door, opening it I see Peter smiling. Always so happy. I'll miss that.