Hockey Boys vs Hockey Girls

Forty - Three

I trudge up the stairs with my heart in my throat. I know that I'm leaving a trail of water behind me and making a mess. I'll clean it up later, or, better yet, I'll make Nolan clean it up.

I walk into his room and gasp slightly at what I see. The wreckage I caused has only increased; there is a hole in the left wall from where Nolan must have punched it and there is also crumpled paper balls everywhere. I curiously pick one up and read Nolan's messy handwriting.

To my kitten,

Words cannot describe how much I love you. I cannot find a way to say sorry that will do justice to how sorry I truly-

The letter stops abruptly mid sentence. I notice some of the words are a bit blurred. My heart clenches as I rub my fingers over the words. He was going to write me a letter to try and win me back. The gesture would have been so sweet... But deep down I know it wouldn't have worked.

Sighing, I drop the paper back on the floor and walk over to his closet. I brush his clothes aside and find the pairs of sweatpants I left here. I must not have left any shirts the last time I stayed the night.

I pull off my sopping wet clothes and hang them up in his closet to dry before pulling on some dry sweatpants and one of Nolan's hockey hoodies. I realize the smell of him is going to mess with my brain, but I can't bring myself to take it off.

I put my hair up into a messy pony tail before opening his bedroom door and heading downstairs. I situated myself on the sofa and wait for Nolan to return with the hot chocolate he promised me.

My mind returns to all of the crumpled up, unfinished letters in Nolan's room. Why would he take the time to write so many? One or two maybe, but a whole notebook worth?

"Kaelin?" Nolan's voice breaks me out of my thoughts. He's standing there holding a light blue mug filled to the brim with steaming hit chocolate. I take it from him and bring it to my nose, relishing in the combined scent of his hoodie and the milk chocolate.

He sits beside me, holding his own mug. A shaky breath leaves his lungs before he begins. "Where should I start, kitten?"

I shoot a glare at him. "How about the part where you told me not to worry and you were just parting with the boys so I shouldn't worry?"

His amber eyes cloud with guilt and he looks away from me. "I got drunk, kitten. Way too drunk. I couldn't even remember my own name if I tried."

I take a small sip of the got chocolate and avoid his gaze. Being drunk is no fucking excuse. If he couldn't control himself he shouldn't have drank that much in the first place. I can easily control myself when I'm drunk, and I make sure to drink less when I'm committed to someone.

"Mikayla came to my house today and talked to me-" He is cut off by my loud scoff.

"Oh really? All you guys did was 'talk'?" I have to stop myself from dumping the steaming drink on his head.

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "Yes, Kaelin, all we did was talk. She lied about the whole thing. She got me drunk and then took me upstairs so she could pretend that we had sex... All she wanted was to fucking hurt you, Kaelin."

I gaze down at my lap. Is he lying to me? I would have to look him in the eyes to find out for sure, but I can't bring myself to.

As if reading my mind, Nolan gently takes my chin and guides it up so my eyes meet his. "Kitten, please say something. Anything. Hit me. Do anything." His voice cracks at the end causing my heart to clench.

"I'm still leaving, Nolan. I know you kissed her... I know you called her kitten... I can't just forget what you did." I whisper as tears fill my eyes and threaten to fall down my cheeks. The truth is I want to forgive him; I want everything to go back to how it was. Forgiving and forgetting goes against everything I've ever know, and it's going to take more than an apology to fix the rift between us.