dear beomgyu,

40

dear beomgyu,

another year have passed and i think i was getting better. i got used to it.

i got used to you being away. i got used to you not being here. i got used to being alone.

i was always alone. ever since you and daniel left, i never even tried to make friends. you know how much i don't know how to initiate a friendship. and when someone does, i tremble in fear, thinking i'll be left alone once again.

it was already 2018 and it's been 3 years since you last talked to me. i was doing fine, at least that's what i thought.

my life became so dull and boring— and maybe it sucked. i never excelled in school. i never got back to dancing again, i chose not to. i never tried to draw again. i never opened my guitar case. maybe i lost my old self. maybe i lost everything.

november 23, 2018, i received a gift and a letter from the states. it was from daniel. i thought he really forgot everything about me.

he asked me how am i doing and said that he's fine and doing better in the states. i am happy for him. i am happy he's doing greater than when he was here. he shared a lot of moments and great things he enjoyed there.

right when i thought i was close to forgetting you, daniel mentioned you in his letter. he saw you in l.a. with four other guys filming something. he said he wasn't able to get close to you because there were staffs around you and he was not sure if you saw him. or maybe even if you do, you wouldn't recognize him.

ah, he even told me that you two were once in the same dance class again. but you acted like you didn't know daniel. daniel told me he still wasn't able to approach you just like the first time he saw you.

it's been years since i heard of you. beomgyu, it still pains me... a lot.