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dear beomgyu,

my friend continuously asked me why i kept silent for the whole night. i couldn't speak. i couldn't reply to her. i couldn't process everything. i was in shambles. i don't know how did this happen.

was it really supposed to be like this?

are we really bound to meet again like this?

i kept thinking. i was awake the whole night. i couldn't sleep. i kept crying until there were no more tears left to cry.

i wasn't able to go to school the following day. i refused to let anyone inside my room. i refused to talk to anyone. i was just... alone, in my room, looking at that tweet... and watching your introduction video on repeat.

.

i noticed how nothing has changed. you are still that bubbly kid i knew from 2011. well, you got much cuter... i thought.

you grew so well, beomgyu. your features has grown a lot too. even when i say nothing has changed, i realized, you grew so beautifully. you look ethereal. i couldn't believe you are my childhood friend, my chaotic and loud best friend in summer dance class.

 i couldn't believe you are my childhood friend, my chaotic and loud best friend in summer dance class

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those expressive eyes of yours are still there. i still can remember the first time you looked at me like that.

the way you looked at me when i introduced myself and asked your name in tagalog. it was exactly like that.

and you dyed you hair. that's why you looked a little different. i still think black hair suits you the best.

 i still think black hair suits you the best

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that smile. it was what you gave me when i asked you to be my friend. it was so awkward since i don't really know how to make friends. but your smile made me feel so comfortable.

it has been years but you still run like that

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it has been years but you still run like that.... cute. it still makes my heart flutter.

you pierced your ears! i always wanted to have one but my mom won't allow me

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you pierced your ears! i always wanted to have one but my mom won't allow me. you look so good. it suits you, i might say. and your side profile, it's always that beautiful ever since.

 and your side profile, it's always that beautiful ever since

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nah, i lost my sanity when i saw you smile like that again. it has been so long since i saw you smile like that. your cute little mouth and your cute teeth, and those smiling eyes of yours. i want to see them in person again.

 i want to see them in person again

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i laughed at this part. remember those days? we always do this inside the building of the dance studio. we would always act silly in front of cctv cameras and we'll laugh with each other. we were so chaotic that everyone who passed by was giving us weird looks but we'll just shrug and continue doing chaotic things with each other.

 we were so chaotic that everyone who passed by was giving us weird looks but we'll just shrug and continue doing chaotic things with each other

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beomgyu, i will never get tired of staring at your eyes. if you still don't know, your eyes are my favorite wonders of this world. looking at your eyes is like looking at the universe.

i couldn't get enough of your introduction video. everytime it's about to end, i'll tear up a bit and repeat it all over again.

i realized i missed you a lot, beomgyu. and even after what you did, i still look up to you.

i am so proud of you, beomgyu. you are gonna debut in a few months. you are gonna live your childhood dreams. and i'm gonna keep my promise. i'm gonna be your number 1 fan.

i'm still here for you, my best friend.

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