Grian focused oneshots/stories

Vent

Last week I... Lost my best friend... M.E... She committed suicide recently...

And I thought she'd been getting better... One thing I hadn't mentioned during the rant was that... she had clinical depression.

Turns out she hadn't taken her pills for quite a while...

Last week I was told by her parents about her passing... They held her funeral on Sunday

My other best friend, Matthew, has opted for rage instead of locking himself in his room like me.

It has caused a big rift in our friendship, in the span of a few days, I've lost every friend who has a physical presence in my life.

All my other friends have either moved, been utterly fake, or are online ones.

Yesterday I was brave enough to read the letter she left for me... oh god... For privacy reasons I won't be posting the letter, but... my lord... there were things written there, things that she said about herself... that no body should ever even think about...

I know I'm being extremely hypocritical saying that, I've also made a few attempts, recently I've been officially diagnosed with both clinical depression and avoidant personality disorder.

Her suicide is what concretely stopped my attempts, I would never inflict the pain her death her death inflicted on me on anyone else...

About Matt... He's having a really hard time... he'd told me about his romantic interest in Maria (M.E) a while back... His parents are really kind, they asked me to talk to him- he's just, so different... He'd used to be a quiet geeky chill back of the classroom type of guy... Now he snaps with the slightest nudge... His grief is so different from mine that it's shocking...

Lately my life's been falling apart.

I'm trying to get help, I go to a psychologist, I take pills, I pick up more activities to occupy myself, like reading, drawing, writing, sailing, karate and gymnastics.

But nothing seems to work, the pills just tempt me to overdose, I can't shake the thought that my psychologist doesn't care and I can't take my mind of off things.

But I can't bring myself to kill myself, no matter how tempting it is, I can't make Matthew go through that again, or for my parents to have to go through what Maria's parents had to.

That might seem like very few people... but they're enough to give me a reason to keep on living...

I'm okay at helping other people get out of tight places.. but I just don't know if there's any helping me.