Strawberry // Magnus bane

Chapter 5 - Dust and Shadows

***

I was on the roof shooting arrows. Alec and I used to do this when the other was upset or angry, It was calming but right now its not making me feel any better. My momentary feeling of content was short lived and when I woke up everything I felt came crashing down and I felt completely overwhelmed. 

"Bella." I hear behind me. I turn around to see Alec and Izzy looking at me worriedly and I turn around to continue. 

"How long have you been up here?" Alec continues when I ignore him.

"I'm glamoured. No one can see me." I tell him shortly. 

Alec sighs "You can't beat yourself up." He tells me softly.

I shake my head "I'm not." 

Alec gave me a pointed look "Who are you talking to? It's me. I'm your Parabatai. I know exactly what you're going through. What happened with Jocelyn, that wasn't you. That was the demon." Izzy tells me and tries to walk closer to me.

I shake my head "Get out of the way."

"Come on, Bells. Come back inside." Izzy tries to plead.

I shook my head "That's the last place I wanna be."

"Bells, Valentine has the Soul-Sword. He slaughtered the Silent Brothers. We need our best soldiers–" Izzy started and I sighed.

"Stop pretending this never happened! I couldn't save you from Valentine. I couldn't save you from the City of Bones. I... She's Clary's mother." I tell them with tears in my eyes. I activate my stealth rune as Alec sighs. 

"Nobody blames you." He tells me. 

"They should." I whisper loud of enough for the pair to hear it and jump off the roof, I land on my feet and run away from the institute. 

***

I went to Magnus' through the balcony and sat on the steps. A few minutes later Magnus came out looking at me worriedly. He undoubtedly knew what had happened. What I had done. Part of me was terrified to see him in fear of what he thought of me but the other part of me needed him. 

Magnus walked straight towards me and pulled me into a hug "You okay?" He asked softly. 

I pulled away with tears in my eyes shaking my head "I can't be in that Institute." I whispered. 

"Oh, Strawberry..." He said and his eyes held pain as well as sympathy. 

"You turned in Camille. How'd that go?" i asked trying to avoid his eyes.

Magnus sighed "Honestly? It was awful. We had a lot of history, she and I. I'm sorry if that's weird." He said cautiously. 

I smiled and shook my head "It's not weird. You say what you think." I told him with a small smile. My wrist started to hurt and a subtly winced but Magnus clearly saw it. 

Magnus sighed and kissed my head "Too busy to use the healing rune?" He asked before moving to lean on the wall and look at the view of Brooklyn. 

I sighed and stood next to him "I'm fine."

Magnus shook his head at me "No, you're not. You're hurting. Badly. You hope the pain here will overpower the pain there." He says and points to my heart. "I wish it were that simple." He added quietly. 

I looked at tears threatening to spill "I let a demon in, Mags." I said weakly. 

Magnus brought me into another hug "That wasn't your fault." He tried to reassure.