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Staring at the white bar confirmed a major obstacle and increased the feeling of fear and failure

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Staring at the white bar confirmed a major obstacle and increased the feeling of fear and failure.

Every time the surgeon dropped her green eyes on the test, her heart was not aware of its emotions.

Already sitting on the bed with crossed legs and hands that were covered with her oversized black sweater that warmed her cold hands filled with stress.

The first time this happened to her it was painful and dramatic and now it was as if everything was happening again, and the only right thing about it was the father.

Already rising from the bed, the blonde got up and walked over to the long mirror that made her take a deep breath.

With trembling fingers, she grabbed the sweater and showed her belly before she carefully rested her hand on it.

She sighed slightly when her hand felt her skin. "I don't know if I can keep you?"

She embroidered the word 'keep' a baby, a child, a life with a heartbeat but also a challenge and a concern for her whole life.

"I want to believe that I'm able to take care of you, but it's not easy." Yvonne sighed, staring into the mirror.

"I'm not going to let you abort our baby, Eve." Jackson leaned against the doorway and shook his head.

"I am a burden Jackson, what should this baby become? Exactly like me? I don't want to care for a baby with such a past." Yvonne wiped the tear that rolled down her cheek with her sleeve.

The slightly tinted man looked down at his hands before his eyes were on the woman he loved. "No, no abortion, I want this."

"And what about what I want?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Do I want this baby? Do I want to lose another baby?"

Merrigan was still her daughter although she didn't survive. She was and would always be her daughter but all this was putting her back into doubt.

She didn't doubt the fact that Jackson would be a good dad to this baby. Nonetheless, she loved him, and he loved her.

But just the anxious feeling of losing another sick baby was running through her veins.

"You won't lose this baby, we won't." Jackson comforted placing his chin on the blonde her shoulder. "I know we won't."

Yvonne processed his words and stared into his eyes through the mirror with a frown covering her dark blonde eyebrows in confusion.

"I'm just terrified, everything seems so good to be true." The girl let out a slightly shaken breath. "You love me, I love you, we're together, I'm... I'm unexpectedly pregnant?"

All those things were amazing, and none of them were bad. Was this all going to have a good end? Was she going to be a good mom or was something going to take a wrong turn? She didn't know.

"If you're scared that I'm going to leave your side once in these 9 months and after that, I'm not." He took a hold of her hand which made her turn around and gaze at their hands.

"I'm not scared of you leaving me, I'm scared of another baby laying on my chest without movement or a single cry." Yvonne wiped the warm tear away from under her eye with the sleeve of the black sweater.

The memory of where an O.R was filled with surgeons and said the words 'it's a girl made her smile, but the sight of a small human being placed on her chest, without opening her eyes or a small hand laying on her chest. Was a huge scar.

"Please don't think like that?" Jackson whispered, making her look into his eyes.

"I don't think like that, it happened to me." She replied, pursing her lips.

She couldn't let go of the fact that her daughter died, but she knew that she had to. The only thing was that she never had closure to Merrigan's passing.

Not a funeral, not a goodbye. But it was the only thing that haunted her. Day and night. Winter or summer. Sunset or sunrise. It always haunted her. And that's what made her feel like a burden.

"I just want to do it right this time," Yvonne explained, shrugging her shoulders when her brain was overflowing with thoughts. "Last time was unexpected, so is it now. But it's different."

This time everything felt in place. She had sisters who loved her. She had friends who would give their own life for her. She survived a gunshot, and this was something she wanted to do right.

"It's different, so why wouldn't things be okay?" Jackson asked, looking down at her in confusion.

"Bec- there are rules if we're really having this baby." Yvonne sighed, releasing his hands, and folding the clothes that were laying on a chair.

"Then explain them to me."

"First rule, every check-up, no matter if we have surgery, you're there. The second rule, is we get our own place, we'll tell Meredith and Derek soon. And three, you will tell your mom." Yvonne rambled, placing a hand on his cheek when a small smile was plastered on her lips.

"My mom? My mom will probably be all over you when she knows you are carrying her grandchild, Yvonne. Why don't you tell her?" Jackson snorted, knowing how overwhelming Catherine Avery could be when she had her moments.

"She'll probably find out when I'm showing, and then she'll probably follow you all over the hospital to find out if it's yours, and guess who'll tell her?" Yvonne questioned, tilting her head to the right with a hand leaning on her hip.

"Me?" Jackson questioned, pointing at himself, with frowned eyebrows, knowing he was the one who will have to do it.

Yvonne smiled, placing all the clothes into the closet before closing it and turning around, and placing her head on the door with closed eyes.

"I'm going to have another baby, my god."


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