Chapter 45: Lucy

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Rami and I were going Christmas shopping today and I was not thrilled about it. We had not spent a lot of time together since we had our big fight about kids. We still had not settled it, and it's caused tension at home for the last three months, but today, I was determined to put an end to it. Christmas is in two weeks, and for the first time, we're spending the holiday in London. Rory, Joe and Ben are risking living here for 4 months since Rory is pregnant and she may not be able to fly back. Veronica is already eight months pregnant, so she and John flew in right after Robert's first birthday, and Roger and Lilly are flying out with their four-month-old twins. On top of that, Gwilym and Ella were stressing about their wedding, and Winter was travelling with Rose for the first time. Everyone was already stressed out and I didn't want to ruin their holiday with our problems. I also didn't want to rest of the world involved in our issues, so I decided to had to settle this with Rami before we left. 

"Are you ready to go?" Rami asked me coldly. 

"Yes," I said. "But, I need to talk to you first." Rami sighed. He knew what this was about.

"I don't want to do this right now, Lucy," he said. 

"Well, we need to," I said. "Rami, it's been three months. We can't go on like this. We're hosting Christmas this year, and I refuse to let our problems worry our friends! A lot of them are going through a lot of trouble to get here." 

"Alright," he said. "Then let's talk." We sat down on the couch and looked at each other. 

"Do you want to start?" I asked him. 

"I don't know what you want me to say, Lucy," Rami said. 

"Just tell me how you feel about our argument," I told him. Rami sighed and looked down.

"When you told me you didn't want kids," Rami said. "I was devastated. I love you, Lucy, and I want to have kids with the woman I love."

"That's sweet," I said. "But when we talked, it didn't feel like you just wanted to have kids. It felt like I was obligated to give you children."

"Well of course you're not obligated to do anything," he said. "But you said you didn't want to have kids at all. It was so definitive, I felt like I shouldn't bring it up again."

"Well I don't know that I don't want kids," Lucy said. "I just don't want to have them, right now." Rami sighed. 

"Honey, why didn't you just say that?" He asked.

"I panicked," I said. "You were talking about moving to LA and when I said no to that, you said we could stay in London. You were putting so much pressure on me, but at the same time, you were being so logical. You're right, we do have enough money, and a great support system. I couldn't think of a reason we shouldn't have kids right now, so I just said I didn't want them."

"But Lucy," Rami said. "If you had told me you didn't want kids right now, I would have understood. I'm in no rush."

"It really seemed like you were," Lucy said. "Rami, I know I should not have said I didn't want kids ever, but I just felt so much pressure."

"Well you could have taken it back," Rami said. "But you didn't. You just left! Why did you just leave?"

"Because I was afraid you would leave me!" I blurted out. 

"Luce-"

"I am so in love with you, Rami," I interrupted him. "And if you left me... I don't think I could survive."

"Honey," Rami said softly. "I'm not going to leave over a little argument."

"This isn't a little argument," I said. "It's something we should have discussed before we got married."

"We didn't discuss anything before we got married," Rami said with a light laugh. "We just... did it. It was in the heat of the moment, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I've loved you for over a decade, Lucy. I'm not going to stop now." I smiled and kissed him softly. 

"So we're alright?" I asked him.

"We're wonderful," Rami said with a smile. "Will you at least think about having kids, though?"

"Absolutely," I said. "But I'm definitely not ready right now."

"I can wait as long as you want," he said. "We're so young. We have plenty of time." I smiled and nodded in agreement. We left to go shopping, happy we had settled our differences. 

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