❝ sometimes love isn't exactly
what we think it's going
to be. ❞
hearts & other breakable things
by cassidy smith
[ started: 2019 - 2021 ]
[ edited 2021 ]
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stevie hopkins - april 26, 2018 -
I GRABBED A GLASS FROM the cupboard. My phone buzzed for what seemed to be the millionth time that day, but to hell with everyone. Turning the glass over in my palm, I stopped to look at my boot through it.
The word 'surgery' flashed through my mind. Surgery wasn't in the plan. It was so far from the plan that I almost had to laugh. My grip on the glass tightened. Screaming, I threw it as hard as I could. It shattered; pieces of glass littered the floor of my apartment.
I crumbled to my kitchen floor. I was tired of the confusion. Tired of all the worry. I was just so damn exhausted.
My face hid in the palm of my hands. I knew I was crying, but I wasn't really crying; I was sobbing. I felt so incredibly useless. Everything was out of my control now. As if Life and Fate were playing some cruel trick on me.
Dangling a sense of control and security in my face and then ripping it away. I barely understood these feelings and now it was all that seemed to consume my life.
When did I become one of those girls that dropped everything as soon as they got involved with someone? When was the last time I even tried to reach out to Ethan?
Hell, I couldn't even think about the last time we had a real conversation with each other.
It was almost as if on cue that my phone started to ring again. I took a moment and let myself breathe. Pulling myself up off the floor, I looked at the screen before I answered.
"Ethan, hey." I was hoping that forcing a smile would make my voice come out more cheerful, but it only managed to sound even more hollow.
"I've been trying to reach you all day," he paused. "Wait, what's wrong? You're never this unreachable. Well, you didn't used to be. Not to me anyways."
"Ethan, I—"
"No," he sighed, "I didn't mean it to come out like that. I'm sorry. That's really not what I meant. I'm so happy for you, Stevie. I am. I just miss you is all. How can I not? You're my best friend."
A knot twisted in my stomach. I had been prioritizing Chelsea over Ethan. I've been doing it a lot lately, it's true. Obviously not on purpose, but now that it was brought to my attention, all the times I'd chosen her over him was hitting me like a train. How could I simply drop him the way I had?
We'd been friends since kindergarten. We've both dated before and that had never happened. We always put each other first. Every single time.
"I'm so sorry."
"Please," I could practically hear him shaking his head, "don't be sorry. It's okay. I understand."
