Cadela

nine

» nine

After that eventful afternoon with Beckett and Mia, I lay on my bed looking at my ceiling thinking on how I landed myself in this situation.

Just a few weeks ago, I was a normal shy nerd who always had her head in a book. I didn't like to go out or be social, unlike my friend, Mia. I was basic, and secretly wanted to be spontaneous. I was desperate for a small spark in my life and I had found it when I was forced to tutor Rowan Fields.

He was failing, and my teacher knew I had the highest grade in all of my classes so of course I would be the one tutoring him.

Rowan had everything I didn't. He was interesting, social, attractive, and had many caring friends. He was amazing, and I found myself falling for him every mathematical problem along the way.

Mia never understood why I liked him. Hell, nobody did. I could never describe the actual feeling I had to the boy, and despite the many times he's made it obvious that he doesn't return my feelings, I can't help myself but to try harder.

I stare at the picture of Mia and I on my counter, and frown. I fucked over Mia many times, and the fact that she still puts up with me means a lot. I just wish I could repay her, but obviously I'll never be able to.

She may put up with me, and forgive me, but she's always had a huge resentment towards me. The resentment is very obvious, but tend to ignore it purposely. Me, being the selfish person I am, I don't want to go through the process of apologizing and hugging it out.

That whole emotional stuff, I can't do it. I cannot express myself in front of people, no matter who it is.

And because I have never said a heart filled apology to Mia about everything, she resents me.

My mother knocks on my door, holding the phone in her hand. She smiles softly, "It's Mia." she mouths. Speaking of the devil.

I lazily get up from my bed and head to my mother, as soon as I grab the phone, she smiles. "Why don't you do your hair like that more often?"

Pouting, I stroke my hair, "Mom, my hair is horrible."

Mom shakes her head, "It's not, now answer your friend. She's still on the line." She says, then walks away to the kitchen. I close my door shut and place the phone to my ear.

"I don't want you going to Rowan's party." Mia says through the line. I jolt a little bit from the tone of her voice. "Mia? What are you talk -"

"Do you think I'm dumb?"

"What?"

"Do you think I'm blind?"

I desperately wanted to hang up because she was talking about the situation in Mrs. Daisy's room, and knowing Mia, she is one to figure out things scary quickly. "Mia, nothing happened." I lie.

I hear Mia's not-believing-you're-lying laugh through the phone. "Beckett is my closest friend since preschool, you just met him this year. For you to do what your doing to him and think I'm gonna let it slide past me your dead wrong." She sighs, "I don't understand the stupid crush you have on Rowan but the least you can do is not cheat on Beckett, for me?"

My thoughts drift off to the situation in Mrs. Daisy's room, the way his hands traveled on my backside and how his lips heated my whole body from head to toe. My fingers begin to shake at the thought of him, that when my hip smashes against my desk I snap out of my dirty thoughts.

"I-I promise." I finally say, my eyes shut closed. Mia breathy voice sounds cheerful and annoying once more, "Thank you, Mel."

I tense my crossed fingers behind my back, as Mia thanks me. I fake smile to myself, and surprisingly no guilt washes over me. Rowan is the spark I've been searching for so long, and I'm the wood logs begging for fire, if I lose the opportunity to light up, I'll be forever plain and boring and nothing will ever change.

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um i lied and um SELFISH MUCH????! 😨