Struck

19th Strike

//Tora

I've been with her for 4 days now. It's the longest we've ever been together which makes me realize how much I don't know about her and myself.

It also made me realize that she's so much more and how I can really not match her.

Every day, she'll be studying a lot of things not normal to her and gives it her all. Day by day, other people would've lost their motivation but she keeps on pushing forward with the same fervor she has on day one, if not more.

She's really the type to take care of others first before herself. She made a lot of progress on the first 2 days but this dancing lesson is taking up a lot of time and I can see her calm façade breaking down.

But I won't give up on you, Ayuzawa. I've been strict since yesterday so maybe I need to be gentler. Dancing isn't for everyone, after all. And who would want to dance with someone they're uncomfortable with?

_______

Being gentle and patient with her helped. These past few days I've watched her, just like a diamond she just keeps on reflecting more and more light even under all the pressure. She's so damn pretty even when she's tired. She's even more pretty when she's fired up. Every expression she makes, every word she breathes and every little thing she does really is magic that makes me somehow freeze up.

"You're a good person, Igarashi." That came out of nowhere and that one sentence made me feel so much more than I've ever felt that I froze again. I didn't even notice we fell down until she moved to stand but my hand moved faster than my reason and I grabbed her to stay.

I didn't even know I ever wanted to hear that sentence. I don't even think I'm worthy of that adjective. How can she still see me like that?

"Despite all I've done, how can you still trust me?" I'm trying to keep the poker face I always have. The face I've always worn to hide my vulnerability but damn, it's hard.

"I-I just do," she's coming nearer and nearer. "I believe in your goodness." I can just move a bit and claim her lips. Her lips that have always spoken about what's right... The lips I've been craving to taste since I've laid my eyes on her. The lips I have no right to claim. "I believe that you have given up the bad guy act in front of me and I believe that even if I throw myself at you, you'll avoid me. I trust you."

Her lips meet my cheeks and she left just as my tears stream down.

All my life, people only saw me as the Igarashi heir. Someone you'd need to befriend, someone you shouldn't go against no matter how wrong he is. They'd rather lose their morals than lose their riches.

All my life I've spent it building walls around me. People are too scared to even go near it but Ayuzawa scaled that wall and helped me out to see different sides of life.

Only she had the guts to call me out on the shitty things I've done. She even forgave me long before hearing my apology. She made me see beyond the mask I've always worn. She made me want to be someone who can match her. All my money can't ever buy me principles to match hers.

Money can buy temporary happiness but it all fades away and when that happens, you'll see how meaningless you've been living.

That's why I'm doing this. I'll never give up on her... but right now she deserve to follow her heart. She deserves happiness and I'll give it my all for her to have it.

A ding from my phone broke me from my emotional warfare.

'I'm sorry, Igarashi. You don't deserve to be used like this. Thank you for all the help and I really hope you choose to be the good person I see in you.'

My feet moved on my own and once again, she chose to stand by her beliefs. Once more I'm struck of how much I want to be good enough for her.