SURVIVE (THRIVE: Book Two)

Chapter 60- The Mental Scar

Everything is dark, but as I start to come to, I can faintly hear voices again. My head is killing me, and even though I can't see, it feels like the room is spinning.

"Where's Artemis?" Desire asks nervously.

"She's in no condition to handle someone else having a meltdown right now considering her own mind being on thin ice, but Eli is upstairs with her and Arsen to keep them calm while we handle this," Aurora explains.

"Did something happen that triggered the meltdown?" Roxie asks calmly.

"We were all downstairs at the bar talking, and I brought up Lucius, er.... Sterling, whatever his name is, and she started to get really upset." Magnus explains, sounding extremely worried "When we made it upstairs, she suddenly started freaking out like I was going to hurt her."

"By the time the rest of us came up, she was acting like she was fighting for her life and hurting herself in the process." Desire sighs.

"That explains the blood." I hear Aurora say right above me, and I suddenly feel pressure on the back of my head.

"Don't worry, princess, I wouldn't want you bleeding out on me now. That would be such a waste of something so succulent." I hear Lucius' words. I can feel my heart begin to race, and as much as I try to fight it, I can't.

"Did she say anything specific during it?" Roxie asks curiously.

"Mainly just to let her go," Phoenix sighs "She was absolutely terrified, I've never seen her like this."

"Wait," Desire suddenly speaks up "Why me?"

"What?" Magnus asks, confused.

"She asked 'Why me?'" Desire explains, trying to theorize "Not only that, but she also said 'Please stop pretending you care.'"

"My more... primal nature can get the best of me sometimes, that much is true. That doesn't make me some sort of monster, or at least I don't need to constantly act like one. Having some humility sometimes is what separates us from the truly wicked," Lucius hisses in my ear.

"She talked to me a little about the horrors that went on during the week that she was gone, and I fear that she may have been getting lost in the memories," Aurora explains worriedly as I feel her gently brush my hair with her fingers. I'm safe, I'm safe here. Everything is fine, it has to be. My friends are here. If I keep telling myself I'm okay, maybe I can snap myself out of this.

"Don't be so naive, it doesn't look good on you, sweetheart. You wanted me to be honest with you, and I was. Poor thing, it's not my fault that you've been lied to your whole life."

"STOP TORMENTING ME!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I jolt up, dashing across the room defensively. My eyes hadn't opened until this very second and are having trouble adjusting to the light, and now I can see that they had the exit doors to the hall sealed, and they had boarded up the giant window Ember had smashed through. There's no escaping.

"Breeze, please," Aurora says calmly as she reaches out to me "You aren't trapped there anymore, you're home now," she explains.

"You aren't going anywhere anytime soon, so you might as well make yourself comfortable, love," Lucius says softly.

"Shut up! Shut up!" I scream, crouching down as I clutch my ears.

"Breeze," Roxie slowly crawls closer "You can hear his voice, can't you?" she asks sympathetically. Suddenly, I look at her, and with tears streaming down my face, I nod my head. She reaches her hand out to me, and reluctantly, I take it.

"What is happening to me?" I begin to shiver.

"You've been through something traumatic," Roxie sighs as she pulls me in close, holding me tightly "Sometimes they leave a mental scar, and this is what it can look like."

"I know what PTSD is, I've been having nightmares about Gael for generations. But, why is this so intense?" I cry, burying my face into her chest.

"He was feeding off of you and playing with your mind with his twisted words, attempting to take away your autonomy and your sense of dignity." Aurora explains as she comes around and crouches beside us "I would be more surprised if this wasn't getting to you."

"Are you going to be okay?" Magnus asks nervously as he starts coming closer with the others.

"I....I don't honestly know." I sigh "I can't get that sociopath out of my head."

"There has to be some way to stop these panic attacks from coming to this level at least." Phoenix sighs as he squeezes my shoulder, flopping down on the ground beside us "I hate seeing my girl like this."

"I wish it was that easy, but," I sigh as I try not to think too hard about it "you don't know what it was like being there. Telling you is nothing compared to what I went through. I just....feel so alone." I explain. Suddenly, Roxie and Aurora exchange glances.

"Where have we heard that before." Roxie states, trying to think positively "If you're open to it, we might have a solution."

"What's that?" Magnus asks worriedly.

"You want to dive in my head, don't you?" I ask nervously "How will that help me?"

"It's just a thought, but," Roxie begins "you clearly feel isolated with this and I agree, you could tell us in extreme detail what you have been through and it wouldn't mean shit to a tree. But with your permission, Aurora and I can come with you and at least see a glimpse of what that place was like so we can better understand, and maybe you won't feel so alone in this."

"That seems counterproductive," Phoenix says skeptically.

"I think it's brilliant." Desire states, sounding impressed "But why'd you leave me out?"

"This isn't a field trip, honey." Roxie rolls her eyes "I don't really think the more the merrier is going to be the key here."

"No," I interject "I want you three to do it," I state confidently.

"Hold on, are you sure you want to experience that again?" Phoenix asks nervously.

"Can someone explain to me what is going on here, because I'm lost." Magnus says, glancing around at everyone "What are you going to try to do?"

"Essentially, we all have a spiritual realm within our minds known as the Gate. Through it, we can access old memories." Aurora explains "We've learned how to navigate into each other's, and that way, we can enter each other's. What we're considering is entering Tessa's to access her memory."

"What the actual fuck?" Magnus says, slouching back "I don't think I am ever going to get used to talking to you guys."

"Pheonix," I begin "I understand your concern, but I think this is the best way. I need to face my demons. Not only that, but I think they need to see what this monster is truly capable of."