she isn't what she says

Chapter 37: Kisses

"There are a lot of things that I used to be but I am no longer, and there are lot's of things that I'd never thought I would be, that I unexpectedly am." - Unknown

But Pansy's hand curls just a little bit tighter around her own, soft and loving and warm, and the anxiety in her chest eases just slightly.

When they finally reach the dance floor, Pansy turns to face her and Valencia's finally faced with the challenge of figuring out where to put her hands. It shouldn't be weird, because this isn't their first dance, but it feels different and Valencia feels nervous. Her hand fidgets with Pansy's until Pansy laces their fingers together and slips her free hand around to the small of Valencia's back.

Valencia looks at her and Pansy simply throws her a self-satisfied smirk, pulling her a little closer until Valencia's hand finally settles on her shoulder. As they start to sway to the music, her thumb trails over the back of Pansy's hand, and Valencia thinks she'd give anything to be able to really feel it.

"I know, this whole 'party' sucks," Pansy says. "But..." She smiles as she steps a little closer; and Valencia's aware of every single part of their bodies that meet from the movement. Pansy's next words are a whisper against her ear that sends her heart racing. "This is kind of nice... don't you think?" Though the words are playful, Pansy's voice betrays her, giving way to true curiosity that Valencia finds herself smiling at.

Pansy's face lights up and Valencia would do anything to keep her looking that happy forever. But then Pansy finds her footing, and her lips curl into a smirk that is certainly not as vibrant, but no less attractive. She doesn't say anything, but she does pull back slightly to twirl Valencia once before guiding her back in, and once they've settled, Pansy's hand slips out of Valencia's to wrap both around her waist. Valencia's arms hang loosely over Pansy's shoulders and she smiles as they sway a little more casually to the music.

She doesn't think much about it before she leans forward, closing her eyes as she rests her forehead against Pansy's. They stay just like that for a moment, and Valencia's content with the silence.

Pansy sighs. "I just said— You know that's not what I—"

"Pansy," Valencia says, quiet but firm. "I don't care what these people think about me." When Valencia says it, looking into the warm amber of Pansy's eyes, it's the first time that night she feels like it's true. She slides even closer, her hand slipping off of Pansy's face to play with the hair at the nape of her neck and she hears Pansy's breath catch. "Them staring at me for... for something that I did to—to bring us... here?" Valencia shakes her head. "Gods, let them." She ducks her head forward until it rests against Pansy's and she sighs. "I'd do it all over again, you know. Every time. In every life." Her voice shakes a little as it lowers, a little unsure if she's saying too much. Admitting too much. "I mean... we're there for each other, right? Always? That's what we do?"

Pansy leans back a little and Valencia's worried maybe she's said something wrong. She's met with shiny eyes and a quivering bottom lip and Valencia's heart shatters because the last thing she wants is to make Pansy cry. "I—shit, I'm sor—"

Valencia doesn't get the chance to finish her sentence let alone her thought because Pansy's suddenly cradling her jaw and pushing forward until their lips are brushing against each other, feather-light and nervous – but so right. Valencia sees her mother smiling in the background behind Pansy, making her smile even more.

Even though she realises she probably should, Valencia does nothing. Nothing. She can't. She can't breathe, can't close her eyes, can't even will her lips to move against Pansy's because she's so shocked that they're there.

Pansy must realise it, because she pulls back blushing, her ears pinned down, and eyes darting down in embarrassment.

"I... I'm sorry. I don't know why I..." Her eyes meet Valencia's again and Valencia's heart melts, because she realises this is what's been simmering below the surface the last few weeks. This glorious, glorious, shift in their relationship where Pansy's kisses are hers to receive. Where she can just...

She looks into Pansy's eyes and Pansy's eyes widen a little before glancing at her lips again. This time they both lean in until their lips meet again, soft but sure. Pansy's mouth opens against hers, sucking in a ragged breath before kissing her a little more deeply. She doesn't intend for it to get heated in any way. It's their second kiss, they're in public, and physically she wants to take this slow and do everything right because it's Pansy.

Valencia thinks for a moment she could probably do this forever. Could probably stand here kissing the most beautiful, brave, and intelligent woman on the face of the Earth until the world stops spinning. However, she quickly realises that's not going to practical because the room feels like it's spinning. Still, it's Pansy that pulls back with a ragged gasp as Valencia's grip in her hair loosens until she's simply toying with the soft strands of Pansy's hair.

They're still close enough to breathe the same air. And Valencia can still taste Pansy on her tongue. Can still feel the tingle on her lips that lets her know Pansy's were definitely just there.

Her eyes open slowly and she's met with Pansy's closed ones and a beaming smile. They're literally just standing in the middle of the dance floor now, not even swaying, just existing in the space together, and Valencia leans forward to leave one last peck against Pansy's lips.

When Valencia opens her eyes again, she's met with gold and she smiles. Pansy smiles back for a moment, but it quickly starts to slip, her hands trail slowly to rest on Valencia's chest as her eyes bounce frantically between Valencia's own and her ears twitch nervously atop her head.

Valencia's eyebrows pinch up – nerves taking over – and she shifts to brush Pansy's bangs out of her eyes. "Are... was that o—?"

"I love you." Pansy's voice is soft and shaky, but Valencia can hear the sincerity, can see it in the way Pansy's cheeks flush bright red, can feel it in the way her entire body is shaking just slightly with nervousness. Valencia's a little surprised to say the least, and so she again doesn't respond right away. Her mouth tries to form words but just ends up opening and closing wordlessly. Pansy sighs.

"You—you don't have to... say it back or anything," she says, looking down. She shrugs. "I just... I needed to—to let you know. It's just... after everything we've been through I don't—I realised I don't really want to keep wasting time. But I— I probably shouldn't have actually said that right now... it's too early isn't it? Gods, please, I'm sorry, just forget I even—"

"You love me?" It's less a question of concern and more of disbelief. Of hope. Of needing reassurance, because Valencia honestly can't believe that Pansy... that she... that she loves her. Loves her the way... Pansy shakes her head with a watery smile, her fingers brushing gently over Valencia's collarbones. "I—of course I—" Valencia silences the rest of the sentence by capturing Pansy's lips with her own, swallowing her sound of surprise. She pulls back before they can get carried away again and rests her forehead against Pansy's. Her next words, not even a thought.

"I... I love you, too." Pansy smiles. It's bright and genuine, and Valencia's awestruck for about the tenth time that night. When Pansy leans forward this time, it's for a hug, her arms slipping around Valencia's neck as Valencia's drop to snake around her waist and hold her close. Pansy sighs against her, content, and Valencia buries her nose into Pansy's neck, enjoying the scent of her perfume before leaving a soft kiss to the skin there. "Will you be my girlfriend?" Pansy blurts out suddenly. Valencia left a lingering smile on Pansy's face, before deepening their kiss. "I'll take that as a yes." Pansy smiled.

Even though it's all so new, it feels like something they've done forever, and Valencia can't imagine ever giving this up.