The Blood of Darkness

Chapter 38

Kye

I dream of a brown-haired girl crossing a frozen-over river, an axe in one hand, and what looks like a letter in the other. Then I see a dark-haired, familiar prince creeping through what looks like a war camp. I watch as he enters a specific, large tent, drawing a jar of white powder from his cloak.

And I continue to watch, in horror, as Vance comes face-to-face with the Dark King and a group of soldiers. As he's clubbed in the head, crumbling to the ground before he even has a chance to react. No.

The Dark King only sighs, clicking his tongue, then settling his gaze on one of the soldiers who stands next to him. The soldier sees, and quickly pulls an envelope half-way out of his uniform's pocket. The King nods, and the soldier quickly hurries from the tent, out into the dark of the night.

I abruptly jolt awake, feeling sick. One of my arms flies out toward Val—I just want to touch her—but she's not next to me anymore. I sit up immediately, my gaze razing across the small room, which I quickly light with flame. Val stands near the tiny, curtained window, facing away from me, her arms protectively wrapped around herself.

"Val?" I question softly, standing and reaching for her.

She flinches as my hand brushes her back, hurriedly stepping away from me. I stiffen for a moment, stung, just as she whips around to face me. Her expression is full of devastation and hatred, and I instinctively prepare myself for a slew of words that will surely feel like a punch to the gut.

"Why are you trying to touch me?" she snaps, the pain in her voice raw. Startled, I survey her for a moment. She's so pale, her hair nearly as light as her skin, and her breathing is short and ragged.

I stand still, terribly unsure of what to say or do to comfort her rather than upset her even more. "What did you see?" I ask quietly after a moment. "What did that asshole of a God show you?"

"Nothing," she snaps. Then her face crumples. "It was the finale, I guess, to all the other terrors I dream about. I hate that damn God. He shows me things I don't want to see." I hate him too, Val, for whatever he showed you to upset you like this.

"What did you see?" I ask again, as gently as possible. The horror in her eyes....oh, gods. All I want is to pull her close to me and somehow make her feel safe.

"Myself," she whispers, shivering. "I saw myself. Losing control. Letting go." And then she's suddenly right in front of me, holding out her shaking palms, almost pleadingly. "Can't you see it, Kye? The blood, struck deep in my pores? Can't you see? Tell me you see it too. Tell me you understand. Please. Tell me."

Tentatively, I take her hands in my own, relieved when she doesn't pull away. "We're all killers, Val. We've all killed parts of ourselves to survive. We've all got blood on our hands. Something or someone somewhere had to die so we could stay alive."

"But we're not all monsters," she says. Her hand drifts up, as if to touch my face, but then she jerks it away, turns, and begins pacing the room. "I....I barely ever feel remorse when I kill. Hell, I enjoy it lots of the time. But then, afterwards....I feel like a monster because of it. You're not a monster, Kye. You're....you're you. And I'm not even....I'm not even supposed to be able to feel half the things I feel. I'm not supposed to be here, in this world. I'm supposed to be in a world among the stars, fighting an ancient war I have never wanted to fight. I'm supposed to be a monster, who lives off of war, death, revenge, and wrath. Not....not who I am right now." She stops, turns back to me, tears a hand through her unkempt hair. "Not this....this monstrous mess, this terrible excuse of a person who clings to scraps of humanity because some tiny part of me just wants to be good. Not even good though, just....just not entirely bad."