The Blood of Darkness

Chapter 45

Val

Forever seems to pass. I try not to think about the horrors that the Darkness—the Occisor—showed me.

And I try not to think about Kye.

But my mind is a horrible, traitorous creature.

I hate it.

This past week has been the worst week of my life. Sure, being tortured for months was bad, but there was only myself to worry about back then. And I didn't care much about myself those days either, to be honest. This has been different. So, so different.

Every night, my mind conjures up a new horror, each revolving around Kye, and what could currently be happening to him.

He's just the son of a traitorous merchant, I tell myself, over and over, when I wake up gasping for breath, terror seizing my heart. He should be nothing to you. Mean nothing to you.

But, oh, why must everything and nothing be so different?

~

I've been drowning myself in blood. Killing. Even though I haven't talked to her since the night we fought, Lucine did what I asked of her and has made sure spies are at the fighting pits or near the Gap every night just so Neve, Quinn, and I can kill them. I doubt she's told the General about it. She probably says that the men tend to get themselves in trouble or something like that. The mere notion that I'm out in the streets feeling bloodthirsty is a good enough excuse, to be honest. I'm known as a killer. A monster.

I wonder what Queen Aithne makes of all this. I wonder if Neve's and my plan that involves her is even feasible at this point. It will be, if we save the guests at the Pyrrhos.

But I don't care about the guests. I should, but I don't. There is a more important person to care about, at least to me.

I stand at the sink, in the washroom in my bedroom at the townhouse, washing blood from my hands, my face. I killed nine more spies than usual tonight, having stepped away from the solemn, quiet Neve and the anxious, speculative Quinn to walk through some well-traveled, useful alleyways.

Zyair still hasn't joined us going to the fighting pits. The three of us—especially me—have all been rather testy, on-edge, and I think he understands that, keeping his distance. He's probably still downstairs at this hour, pouring over his books, too nervous to sleep. Because tomorrow is the day when we strike, when we get Kye back and hopefully decimate the spy network.

One thing is certain: it's been different around here without Kye. It's only been a week, but it's felt like forever, especially to me. All I know is that right now, I'd do just about anything to have Kye with me, his reassuring presence beside me.

I don't miss him, of course. I don't need him. I don't need anyone.

I just want him here. Safe. With me. Is that too much to ask for? Probably. But still, I want it.

Because if something happens to him....I'm not sure what I would do.

"Anything," the Darkness—the Occisor—whoever—whispers in my mind. "You would do anything."

What is that supposed to mean?

"You already know."

And maybe I do....

I wish I didn't.

~

Trying to stop thinking about Kye, I consider joining Zyair downstairs, maybe to play cards, but I'm not sure whether he'd want company or not. I don't want to disturb him. Besides, I have a rather nasty cut on my throat that probably needs cleaning, thanks to the three hulking spies who hauled me up against an alley wall earlier and tried to behead me.