The Blood of Darkness

Chapter 39

Val

After Kye leaves, I lie awake for a while. Thinking about him. Thinking about how I was only pretending to be asleep when he woke up, how he had an arm around me and I felt wonderfully safe. No. Dangerously safe. Safety is a facade, a deception. Nobody is ever truly safe. I know that by now.

Just as I know that between the two of us, Kye is currently much less safe than I am. I had such a terrible feeling about him going back to the Pyrrhos that I whispered "Be careful" as he left. I had to say something, because if I hadn't said that, I'm fairly certain that I would have asked him to stay with me.

I roll onto my back in bed, wincing as pain shoots up my side. My stab wound is throbbing, and I know that I should probably change its dressing. I decide to wait until I get back to the townhouse though, for I'm sure that there are some better-quality salves there that will more effectively help aid my healing.

My wound probably should have been stitched up last night--it was definitely deep enough--but I honestly just didn't want to. Stitching myself up would surely have brought on an onslaught of horrid flashbacks. I know I should have just let Kye do it; I could have just guided him through it, and I'm certain he would have done it well with his deft yet careful fingers.

But I hated the thought that I would actually let Kye stitch me up. I hated the thought that I'd be okay with it, that I'd trust him to do it. Sure, I let Neve stitch me up weeks ago, when Lake and I first arrived in Trivette, but that was different, somehow. Letting Kye stitch me up, for some reason, seems like something completely different from letting Neve do so. Something with more meaning.

Maybe it's because I think about Kye way more than I think about her. I think about Kye's hands in my hair, around my waist, trailing down my back, running up my arms. I think about his lips on mine and his breath against my cheeks, my neck, my ears.

And oh gods, last night, when I woke up from my nightmares, when Kye just listened to me, when he said the right things and put his arms around me and watched the shimmering stars dance in the dark, velvety vastness of the night sky....when he laid with me and talked to me and looked at me in that same way he always does....I felt things. Echoes of foreign, forbidden feelings.

"Hello, child," the Darkness suddenly whispers in my mind, causing me to sit bolt upright and mutter a string of curses as my injury aches. "It has been too long."

That's right, Val, I think to myself as my gut twists with dread. Kye isn't here. You must deal with the Darkness by yourself.

"Exactly," the Darkness whispers. "You don't need him. Or any feelings, especially those you call foreign and forbidden." For the first time I can remember, I detect a hint of bitterness in the Darkness's voice. Sorrow.

Feeling glum? I think, hoping to keep the terrible whispers at bay by trying to make.... conversation. Are you losing your war or something?

"If we lose the war, girl, it will be because of you. You, and your selfishness. Your absurd want for humanity. Feelings."

I climb out of bed, eager to get back to the townhouse now. While my selfishness sounds absolutely fascinating, I would rather talk about you. After all, I should be convinced to give in and go to your world, where I belong. Right?

"Yes."

Then I would like to know more about your world. If you want me there so badly, then shouldn't I at least know how the war you fight started? I slide my boots on, pausing as I see that Kye left his cloak for me to wear. I pull the silky material over my shoulders, grateful that I'll be able to cover my bloodstained, sleeveless shirt out in public.