"Her troubled eyes held fire. The kind of fire that was capable of burning me to ash."
*****
I grabbed her chin with my free hand, making her look at me. "I hate that I don't know you. I hate not being a part of your life, like I was before."
I lean...
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Ryder's P.O.V.
I hate myself.
I don't think I have even hated anyone as much as I hate myself.
Ever since I woke up on Christmas, three years ago, I knew I had messed up. I knew I had fucked up bad when the most important person in my life, just vanished in thin air.
I have blamed and cursed myself every single day for what I had done, but only after the call with Miles on Friday, did I realise that I still don't know the direness of my mistake.
I still don't know what happened to Miles after I... left her on the sidewalk and as much as I want to repent my actions, I don't know if I would be able to handle the whole truth.
I can't stand the thought of Miles being hurt, and I can't imagined what I'd do if I get called out for being the one who hurt her the most.
I'm not being self centred, and taking blame just for the hell of it. I've seen it on her face, the fact that she doesn't trust me and that pretty much shatters my heart.
On that note, Miles has been acting weird, more weird than usual, and I just can't figure out what's wrong with her.
I'm one to talk, as I've been very careful myself, when I talk to her, avoiding the chances of our conversations to drift to the events in the past, like a coward.
I know she has noticed my change in behaviour, and she very well knows how much that piece of information bothers me but I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on a new level of hating myself right now.
"Green!" Coach's voice pulled me out of my thoughts as I enter the gymnasium for PE. He motioned for me to go over to him, making me break into a jog and stop in front of him.
"School is making me attend another boring meeting, green." He said pinching the bridge of his nose. "Lead the class for me."
I nodded with a chuckle, at his annoyed expression.
Coach is one of the few teachers I can stand, in this school. And it could have something to do with the fact that he's the coach of the football team and helped me practice and push my limits, even when I wanted to give up.
I was about to reply when a tiny voice, which was barely audible, cut me off.
I turned to look at the hunched figure of Miles who looked like she was dared to do something she doesn't want to do.
"Speak up, young lady." Coach said making Miles roll her eyes, glancing at me in acknowledgement.
"I said, I have a note." She gritted out, waving the note right in front of coach's face, making me cough to mask the laugh that was threatening to come out.
