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❝this is like fight club if it was a romcom❞
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‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☆ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
OLIVIA HATED this.
She hated staring at her half full suitcase and her stack of shiny new textbooks on her dresser.
It was strange to think that when she'd gotten into Yale (early acceptance no less) she had never been more excited, she had literally been sick with excitement.
Olivia felt sick right now but for an entirely different reason.
It was the idea of leaving behind her family, she never thought she'd be sad to have a break from living in Troy's awfully large shadow.
She hated the thought of having to leave Abed; Abed who really wasn't going to cope well when she left, her gut twisted a little bit more with the knowledge she was about to break not just his heart but probably his head too.
And, strangely, Olivia actually didn't like to think that her study group would go on without her, perhaps find a replacement for her and then act as if she was never there to begin with.
Jesus, she never thought she'd be sad to see the back of Greendale Community College.
The place wasn't meant to grow on her, it wasn't meant to take root in her heart and make her nostalgic for it before she'd even officially left.
"Liv, Abed's here!" Olivia's mom called from downstairs and Olivia quickly picked up her suitcase and hid it under her bed and then picked up her textbooks and shoved them in her closet.
It wasn't like she was hiding her departure from her boyfriend she just didn't want to flaunt it in his face, didn't want him to have to face reality this side of Christmas.
Olivia knew how important Christmas was to Abed despite the fact he was technically Muslim.
"Coming!" Olivia called back.
She closed her bedroom door behind her and made her way down the stairs to the kitchen where Abed was sitting biting into a blueberry muffin.
Taking the seat next to him, Olivia smiles.
"I wasn't expecting you."
Abed shrugs.
"I'm going to go and watch The Santa Clause at the Vista – it's not my favourite holiday movie but Tim Allen's pretty good in it. I was coming to invite you." He replies, shrugging, not looking her but at his muffin.
"And you couldn't have just text me?"
"If I did that then I wouldn't be eating this muffin. I love coming to your house, your mom always feeds me." Abed explains, shrugging again.
"Well, you need feeding, you're basically a bag of bones." Olivia's mom says from where she's wiping down the countertops.
"What time's the movie?" Olivia asks, fiddling with one of her bracelets.
"It starts at 6 but I thought we could go ice skating first."
"You want to go ice skating?" Olivia asks in disbelief, not quite sure she heard Abed correctly.
Abed nods.
"In every romcom, the guy takes the girl ice skating at Christmas time, it's one of the biggest clichés."
"Abed, can you even skate?"
"I don't know, I've never been ice skating before."
"I am not taking you ice skating if we're just going to end up in ER." Olivia argues.
"Oh, let the boy take you to the ice rink, Liv."
"Mom, you know I hate the sight of blood."
"Who said there's going to be blood? Abed could end up being a great skater."
"In movies the guy is always awful and the girl glides around him in rings." Abed tells the mother and daughter before eating the last bite of his muffin.
"Abed, I get that you're trying to base our relationship on movies, so you think it'll be perfect but that scene you've got going on in your head is never happening – last time I went skating I practically sat on the side all night too scared to join in."
"Oh, I wanted to do all these big romantic things because when you go off to Yale we'll have broken up and who knows how long it'll be before I find another girl to do these romantic things with."
Olivia studies her boyfriend for a few moments before sighing.
"Fine, we'll go ice skating." She relents, massaging her temples, already worried about slicing her fingers off with an ice skate blade.
Abed's smile in return was almost worth it.
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Wrapped up in a parka, a woollen scarf, gloves and a bobble hat, Olivia tentatively steps onto the ice, her hand gripped like a vice on the railing around the rink.
Abed, it appeared, was a natural born skater – she could finally understand why Troy got so quickly frustrated when Abed did something athletic, it didn't seem fair that Abed could be smart and athletic and creative.
"Do you need some help?" He asks her as he turns in a circle.
"No." Olivia replies through her teeth in almost a growl.
"Can I at least hold your hand?" Abed continues.
Olivia really did care about Abed, she really did, but sometimes she wanted to throttle him, he was so good and innocent that it was borderline irritating. He wanted their relationship to be like one you'd read about or watch on a movie screen but this was real life and Olivia couldn't skate like a figure skater, she could barely keep from falling over.
"Abed, my hands are going to be clutching onto this railing, unfortunately, as I plan on living past the age of nineteen."
Abed shrugs before skating off, looking like he should be playing ice hockey or something.
Olivia wondered whether he'd notice if she went and sat on the sidelines and just watched him instead.
She liked watching Abed, that sounded creepy, she knew, but there was something so calming about him, just looking at him made her feel a little more relaxed, a little more chilled.
The chill could just be the freezing temperature of this room but that was beside the point.
Hanging her head in defeat and grabbing onto the railing even tighter, Olivia pushes off, seeing as she'd gotten on the ice she might as well try and move a bit.
She slowly moves around the rink, focussing solely on the path in front of her, no longer aware of anything else but the ice and not falling over and slicing her fingers off.
"Hey." Abed greets after Olivia had made her way round the rink once.
"Hi." She replies, not looking at him but still looking forward.
"If you don't like this we can leave, we can go and get milkshakes and hotdogs instead?"
Olivia stops and slowly turns to look at her boyfriend, all the while making sure her hands were still tightly attached to the railings.
"I don't want to ruin your perfect romcom Christmas date." She replies, a small smile on her face.
"I can't tell whether you're being sarcastic because you look almost happy at the idea of ruining this date."
"Abed, can you even call this a date, we've not spoken in the last hour. You've been, I presume, gliding around this rink like a pro whilst I've been hanging onto the barrier as if my life depends on it, which, thinking about it, it does."
"Okay, let's go." Abed says, not arguing.
Abed never argued with her, the guy had the patience of a saint to put up with both her and her cousin.
As Olivia makes her way slowly to the doorway Abed skates next to her rather than rushing off like he'd done before.
"I'm sorry I made you do this. I thought it was a good idea." He apologises.
"Abed, seriously, don't apologise, I know you didn't intentionally set out to make me miserable." Olivia replies, not looking at him.
"Still, I need to think about your feelings before I think about movies." He tells her.
"Don't change who you are for me; don't change who you are for anyone. I'm making peace with the knowledge that dating you is like dating a screenwriter."
"You give me too much credit, I'm not nearly smart enough to be a screenwriter."
"Abed, you don't give yourself enough credit, you could literally run rings, forget that, you could skate rings around half the bigshot Hollywood screenwriters. Cut yourself some slack, you're pretty awesome."
There's a moment of silence.
"Thanks." Abed says, softly.
"Cool?"
"Cool, cool, cool."
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☆ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
"Happy last day before Christmas break, Greendale. Time to visit our loved ones, some of you will travel as far as three miles! Don't forget to visit our Winter Wonderland in the quad, where we're giving away catalogues of next semester's classes!"
The next noise over the PA system sounds a bit like a tambourine shaking and Olivia and Abed just stand hand in hand looking up from where one of the speakers is attached to the wall.
"Whoa, what's that sound? Is that the tippy tapping of secular boots on the roof? Oh, well, it must be yet another sign that it 'tis the season because, rumour has it, that non-denominational Mr. Winter is on his way to the student lounge."
"Mr. Winter?" Olivia questions, laughing slightly, as her and Abed start walking again.
"Dean Pelton is trying to appease every student and not make any student feel invalidated by their religion." Abed says to her as they make the way to the cafeteria.
"Abed, I got that part, I was commenting more on the dean's lack of imagination – of all things he could call himself he calls himself Mr. Winter? It's 'Envirodale' all over again."
"Hmm."
The pair spot their study group crowded round a table and sit down in the empty chairs left for them.
Shirley smiled at them both before complaining about the dean, as if she'd been waiting for the entire group to be gathered before doing so.
"I'm so sick of the dean jamming his PCness down my throat."
"Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go." Jeff says, eyebrows raised.
Clearly Pierce hadn't thought about what Shirley had said until Jeff had 'commended him' because he starts to laugh.
"PCness, now I get it."
Troy joins in, shaking his head.
"It sounds like penis, I just got it too."
Olivia just stares at her cousin. She couldn't believe just two days ago she was thinking that she might miss him.
"Well, it's still Christmas to all of us." Shirley says, ignoring Pierce and Troy. "And I made you all a little gift because you're like my new family."
She smiles before handing them all bracelets.
"Thank you." Olivia says as she takes hers.
"W.W.B.J.D.?" Annie reads outloud, confused.
"If that stands for 'What would Billy Joel do' I'll tell you right now: he'd write another crappy song." Pierce states before holding out his fist for Troy to bump.
"Yeah, in your face Billy Joel." Troy agrees, tapping his fist against Pierce's.
"I still do not understand that friendship at all." Olivia says to Abed, as she leans against his shoulder, inspecting her new bracelet from Shirley, which she had slid onto her wrist despite not knowing what the acronym meant.
Troy turns to her before mouthing 'who is that?' which makes her snort.
"It means: what would baby Jesus do? And it's to remind us that the real meaning of this season is Christmas." Shirley explains.
"Oh, well, thank you, Shirley." Britta replies. "I'm gonna put that in my pocket closest to my heart."
Olivia refrains from rolling her eyes at how obvious it was that Britta wasn't actually grateful for her gift.
"No, no, no!" Shirley disagrees. "It's a bracelet, you put them on."
She surveys the whole table, her face like thunder.
"Everybody put them on."
Olivia holds her wrist up to Shirley who smiles gratefully.
Everyone else slowly puts them on.
"Does anyone want some cookies?" Abed asks, unintentionally changing the subject. "They have gingerbread ones and sugar ones and they're all iced."
There's noises of agreement and he stands up, kissing Olivia on the cheek like he always did.
When he walks away she sighs, looking at her bracelet.
What would baby Jesus do if he was in her position?
Would he follow his dreams or stay in his hometown forever and fall in love?
Olivia shakes her head, baby Jesus wouldn't be in her situation he'd be out feeding the five thousand or washing some lepers feet not feeling sorry for himself.
"Hey, hey!" A voice calls and Olivia and the group all turn to where a tall, broad guy is pointing at Abed who had a tray of cookies in one hand for the group and a cookie halfway to his mouth in the other.
"You took all the winter doodles." The guy accuses and Abed just looks at him blankly. "What are you? A douche bag?"
"They're for my friends." Abed replies, pointing towards where they all sat. "But there's a lot of other cookies left."
"No!" The moustached guy disagrees. "There's only macadamia nut cookies, okay. I have a tree nut allergy."
"That's why you should stay away from Christmas tree shaped cookies." Abed tells him, unaware that the guy was threatening him.
"Ha-ha-ha! That did not even make allergic sense. What are you? An idiot?" At this, the guy pushes the plate in Abed's hand so all the cookies fall onto the floor, Abed does nothing but look down at them with a confused expression on his face.
Olivia pushes away from the table, ready to march towards this guy and defend her boyfriend's honour.
"Sit down, Liv, I've got this." Jeff instructs, getting up himself.
"Okay, we get it." Jeff tells moustache guy. "You and the A Team are awesome, now beat it."
"Oh, look at that. Pretty boy standing up for bird-face over here."
This time Olivia does go marching over, ready to punch the guy but Jeff holds out his arm, effectively stopping her.
"Give me a winter doodle."
"If you're trying to be menacing," Jeff begins, "maybe don't call the cookie by it's name."
Olivia smirks, the red haired woman behind moustache guy glares at her.
"Oh, you're funny. You're a funny man." The guy says.
Jeff nods in agreement.
"Wanna hear something funny, funny man?"
He doesn't give Jeff time to answer the rhetorical question before he speaks again.
"Knock, knock."
He pauses for perhaps a second hoping one of them would say the obligatory 'who's there' but when he doesn't he tells the punch line to his crappy joke anyway.
"My fist up your balls."
"Who's there?" Jeff jokes.
At this point there's a 'ho, ho, ho' and everyone's attention turns to where Dean Pelton comes riding into the cafeteria, sitting in a sleigh driven by the college's terrifying mascot.
"Merry happy!" The dean greets.
"Merry happy?" Olivia repeats, slowly.
"This ain't over." The moustache guy whispers to Jeff, Abed and Olivia.
As he walks away he stops to shout over his shoulder.
"There won't always be a dean around, alright?"
"Is that meant to be a threat?" Olivia asks, trying not to laugh.
"Make it out to be what you want, girl." The guy replies before walking out the door.
From behind the three of them they hear Pierce call out to Abed that they were still waiting for their cookies.
Olivia just rolls her eyes.
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"Jeff protected my honour." Abed says later that day, as they were all sitting round the study room table. "It was like My Bodyguard but I was the kid from Meatballs, Jeff was from Full Metal Jacket and the moustache guy was like the brother of the guy in Entourage."
"And what about me, your girlfriend, who was I?" Olivia asks sarcastically, not that she'd really done anything other than be held back by Jeff.
Abed considers this for a second.
"You were like Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls."
"That doesn't even make sense?"
Abed shrugs.
"Thanks for dumbing that down for us." Jeff says, his face screwed up in confusion.
"You got it." Abed replies, pointing his finger at him.
"So what's the deal, Jeff?" Pierce asks. "You leave your stones in your other suit?"
"What does that even mean?" Olivia asks.
"It means; why didn't Jeff just rap that other guy in the face?"
"For the same reason that I floss, have a bedframe and keep my guitar in its case. I'm over 23." Jeff replies.
"I'm proud of you for handling it peacefully, Jeff." Shirley says with a smile. "Like a certain little birthday boy."
Out of her bag she pulls out a baby Jesus doll.
"Real men turn the other cheek." Shirley then holds up her wrist where her bracelet sits. "Let's see them."
The seven other people at the table slowly raise their arms.
"Nonsense," Pierce dismisses, "men were wired to fight each other so women could find the right mate."
"No," Britta disagrees, "the real reason men fight is to release all their pent up gayness."
"That wasn't gay, it had a moustache." Pierce replies.
"Uh, I'm not sure having a moustache determines whether someone's gay or not." Olivia says.
"You know what I have?" Jeff interrupts. "Finals. Are we cramming for Spanish or not?"
"You guys never cram for Spanish." Olivia points out. "Why start now?"
"I need a 65 or I'm gonna flunk the class." Jeff answers.
Annie gasps dramatically.
"Why didn't you do the extra credit assignments if you knew you were failing?" She asks leaning across the desks to get closer to Jeff.
"Because doing more than the minimum work is my definition of failing." He fake whispers the last word.
"Quick question, are you all coming to my Christmas party right after the final or are you stopping home to change into your Christmas outfits?"
Aside from Olivia the rest of the group share looks before Annie finally speaks up.
"I guess I could wear one of my Hannukah sweaters."
Shirley's face falls.
"Ah. Annie, I didn't know you weren't, um, Christian."
"Yep!" Annie replies. "One might even say I'm Jewish."
"Oh, that's good for you." Shirley says half-heartedly, a fake looking smile on her face. "That's wonderful. I respect all religions of the world."
"I'm Muslim." Abed tells her.
"Jehovah's Witness." Troy follows on.
"Atheist." Britta adds.
"The Lord is testing me." Shirley mutters.
"I'm Christian." Olivia speaks, a small smile on her face.
"This is a subject that breeds conflict, can we please-"
He's cut off when Abed asks what religion he is.
Jeff sighs. "Agnostic."
"Agnostic." Pierce says with a laugh. "A lazy man's atheist."
Britta actually nods along in agreement.
"I'm Born-Again." Pierce announces as if this was meant to mean something.
Shirley's eyes light up "ohh!".
"We had a re-birthing ritual in my friend's hot tub."
Olivia leans back, alarmed at the image.
"I'm now a level five Laser Lotus in my Buddhist community."
"Uh, that does not sound like Buddhism." Britta frowns. "Are you sure you're not in a cult?"
"Just by asking me that question you put me back down to a level four." Pierce accuses. "You now owe me 2000 Energon Cubes."
"She owes you what now?" Olivia asks.
"Do you know how foolish you sound right now?" Troy asks, turning to Pierce. "What else do you believe in? Blood transfusions?"
"Troy, we've been through this, blood transfusions are real, you were given real blood after your appendix burst last year." Olivia tells him slowly.
"Jehovah's Witnesses are a type of Christian, right, Troy?" Shirley asks, changing the subject back to religion.
"Yeah," Troy agrees, "but we don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas, and we can't drink. But it helps."
"Each year my mom has to smuggle Troy into the bakery for birthday cake." Olivia tells the group, smiling.
"You're like a Muslim." Abed says. "Assalamu alaikum."
"Shama-lama-ding-dong." Troy replies causing Olivia to burst out laughing at how seriously her cousin had said the word 'shama-lama-ding-dong'.
"Well," Shirley begins, "don't we have a diverse, little family. I say we open up this party to all faiths. I brought my Star of Bethlehem which led the wise men to the saviour of all mankind. You guys could also bring a little trinket or doodad from your own philosophies? Sounds good?"
"As an agnostic, I'm gonna bring my winning smiles." Jeff replies.
"That's cool, Winger, but I think we're all more excited to see what Pierce brings." Olivia teases.
"Too right." Pierce cheers.
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"How was your Spanish final?" Olivia asks Troy as he sits down across from her, soda in hand.
He shrugs.
"Do you think you've passed?" She continues.
He shrugs again.
"Jeez, Troy, give me something!" Olivia exclaims but before she can complain at her cousin anymore, Jeff slides into the seat next to her, Pierce and Abed following behind him.
"Uh, maybe you should just hang back." Jeff says to Abed in response to a question Olivia hadn't heard.
"Yeah I will." Abed agrees, as he sits next to Troy. "In his face!" He adds, practically growling.
"Whoa, there, Batman." Olivia laughs.
"Well, whatever you do, don't tell Shirley about the fight." Jeff warns. "She'll start in with all her mothery guilt-inducing powers; you know what I mean?"
"No." Troy answers. "I'm wearing this Jesus bracelet because it gets me chicks."
"Gross, Troy, seriously, gross." Olivia grimaces.
"I know guys like this Mike." Pierce tells the four of them. "He used to be a nerd, and how he's a meathead. Dangerous combo." He then begins to list off men who are apparently like moustache guy.
"You're a pretty big dude," Troy comments, "you've probably got some moves."
"Yeah, I got some theories."
"You've never been in a fight." Abed calls him out.
"Technically, no." Jeff admits. "I guess I'm too charming and likeable."
Olivia laughs.
"Call me a name." Jeff challenges and Olivia and Troy look between each other, trying to come up with something.
"I can't." Troy says with a shake of his head.
"Are you telling me you've never been punched in the face?" Pierce demands.
"No, thank god, this is the moneymaker!"
"First time I got punched I was like 'oh, no!' but then I was like 'this is a story'." Troy tells them, smiling fondly.
"It's a beautiful story that features my fist." Olivia adds.
"Ah, that's a good one." Jeff nods.
"Every man should be punched in the face." Pierce declares. "It's a rite of passage."
"I'll punch you in the face, Jeff." Olivia offers.
Ignoring her Pierce continues to talk. "In my day, Friday night was smoke a doobie, feel up a gal and then get your teeth knocked out by a Republican."
"Please tell me you weren't the one knocking people's teeth out." Olivia pleads.
"Of course not, what do I look like, a Republican?"
"Uh, yeah, dude." Troy tells him.
"Guys, the plan here isn't for me to get hit. It's for me to hit him."
"Oh, then it's settled, we have to teach Jeffrey how to fight." Pierce says plaintively.
"Yeah, I'm not getting involved, I don't want to break Jeff's nose." Olivia replies, holding her hands up.
"I assume you and Troy are both handy with switchblades." Pierce responds.
"How many times do I have to tell you that you are the most racist person alive?"
Pierce ignores her (again) and turns his attention to Abed, "Abed you go back to the family tent and try to find a chicken for Jeff to chase."
"Guys, I appreciate the enthusiasm but I think I got this." Jeff points to his bicep and Troy and Olivia just raise their eyebrows.
"Oh, well, look who it is!"
They all turn to look at where moustache guy comes strutting towards them.
"Jeff," Olivia mutters, "if you can't hit him then I will."
"We got Forehead, Old Head, Dumb Head, Girl Head and Other Head."
"Wow, those are such insults." Olivia replies, pretending to look hurt, holding a hand to her heart.
Moustache guy grimaces before tell Jeff he'll see him at 3.
"I hate that guy." Olivia says unaware he'd walked back to the table.
"Well you see this snowman, princess," he says to her, holding a paper snowman to his forehead, and she nods slowly, he then proceeds to staple it to his face, "that's forehead later today."
She doesn't even have a comeback, she's too shocked to see a human put a staple through their own head.
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Olivia was sitting next to Abed in a cramped janitor's office watching on as Troy tried to give Jeff fight lessons.
To say it wasn't going well was an understatement, especially with Britta chiming in every two minutes claiming that the whole thing was about repressed homosexuality.
"Is this going to be much longer, I'm meant to be going to the bakery to pick up cupcakes for Shirley's party?" Olivia asks, frowning.
"Troy, go with your cousin, I'll take over from here." Pierce instructs, walking up with boxing paws on.
"I want to watch you two go at it, though, this is kind of like Fight Club."
"Troy, have you even seen Fight Club?" Olivia asks.
"If he thinks this is like Fight Club then I'm going to assume he hasn't." Abed answers.
Troy makes a noise of disgust.
"Fine, we'll go!"
"Finally!"
"Just after I've watched Jeff punch Pierce."
Olivia sits back down, making a 'humph' noise as she does.
"Okay, so if it helps, think of me as someone who annoys you." Pierce tells Jeff.
Pierce was completely oblivious to the fact that he annoyed Jeff so was shocked when Jeff practically lunged at him.
"That's it, that's good." Pierce applauds before looking around Jeff. "Britta, put your blouse back on."
Jeff automatically turns around and Pierce gives him a swift kick in the leg.
"Ow!" Jeff groans, clutching his shin.
"Boys, this is not a game. You gotta be ready for anything." Pierce explains.
"Dude," Troy argues, "that is not cool."
"Well, that foxy black girl thinks it is."
"Pierce do you mean his cousin?" Jeff questions, incredulous.
"No, the other foxy black girl."
Troy turns around and Pierce then gives him a kick.
"What are you doing?" Jeff demands.
"Why she have to be black?!" Troy shouts.
"Because he's a racist cultist." Olivia answers.
"What is going on?" Shirley asks, appearing in the doorway.
They all turn to look at her.
"We were just leaving..." Olivia says but Troy immediately contradicts her by saying:
"We're trying to get Jeff ready for the fight."
He trails off at the word fight realising he'd said too much.
"Liv, shall we go?" He asks, avoiding making eye contact with either Shirley or Jeff.
Olivia nods and the two of them and Abed head for the door.
"The three of you better not let me down!" Shirley calls after them and they walk even faster.
"Troy," Olivia hisses, "you are an idiot."
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"Wow, Shirley's gone to so much effort, I'm really happy you both decided to come with me to her party than to Jeff's fight." Olivia enthuses as her, Troy and Abed walk into the study room.
Olivia was holding a Tupperware box containing Christmas cupcakes, Troy was holding a platter of hashbrowns and applesauce and Abed was holding a soup tureen containing what he said was a traditional Muslim food but wouldn't elaborate on, even when Olivia threatened to kick him out the car.
"Shirley this is beautiful!" Olivia greets, putting the cupcakes onto their desks which were currently ladened with food.
Her and Shirley hug.
"Thank you three for coming and bringing your... interesting food choices with you." Shirley replies.
"As I don't celebrate Christmas, I didn't know what to bring so I just brought my two favourite foods." Troy explains with a grin.
Britta walks in, swinging her arms, grinning.
"Oh, look," Shirley says softly, "Britta brought what she believes in. Nothing,"
"Where should I put my Buddha incest holder?" Pierce asks as he walks through the opposite door.
Shirley stands at the entrance to the study room for several moments.
"I guess he made his choice." She states with her back to the group, before closing the doors.
"I wanna go to Jeff's fight." Troy huffs and Olivia shoots him a glare.
"As I told Jeff," Shirley replies, "no one that goes to that fight can come to my party. He's dead to me and if any of you leave you'll be dead to me too."
Annie and Olivia look at each other, both with concerned expressions on their faces before looking down at their plates.
"Let's sing!" Shirley smiles before launching into a song about Jesus, trying to get them all to join in rather than just having them stare at each other.
"You're banning Jeff from the party?" Britta cuts in. "That doesn't seem very Christian."
Shirley briefly looks down.
"Well, that's an interesting point of view coming from an atheist."
Taking her seat, Shirley looks at each of them.
"I did my best to create a special Christmas for my one intact family and, ahem, this is the thanks I get."
"Shirley," Annie argues, "you are a guilt machine."
Olivia watches on as Pierce makes an anti-Semitic comment.
"Seriously, Pierce, what I want for Christmas is you to be gone." Olivia snaps.
"I don't think your Jesus is a genie." Pierce smiles back.
"A Jehovah's Witness would never act like this." Troy butts in, glaring at Pierce.
"Tell that to the birthday cake you never got."
"Guys, let's just stop talking about faith." Annie interjects.
Rather than agree the table breaks out into an argument.
"Annie, for what it's worth, I agree with you, this whole faith topic needs to be banned." Olivia says, leaning towards Annie, who smiles gratefully just as Britta stands up.
"Guys, are we really going to let religion divide us like this?"
Everyone looks at each other without quite looking at each other.
"I think there's one thing we can all agree on," Britta carries on.
"I get 72 virgins in Heaven." Abed answers, holding a finger up.
He catches Olivia's eye and she just raises an eyebrow, a wry smile on her face.
"No," Britta disagrees, "it's that we would all like to have Jeff at this party."
"Mmm, he can't come." Shirley dismisses, shaking her head.
"Shirley!" Britta replies clearly exasperated. "I get that this is your first Christmas since your husband left you. And I don't know, uh, maybe that's why you're being so stubborn because you're trying so hard to recreate something that you're afraid you've lost forever. But if you really want us to be your second family then you gotta start treating us like one, even if that means supporting us when we do things you don't agree with."
Britta looks round the table and they all nod save for Shirley, who's still looking down at her plate.
"And that starts by rooting for Jeff whilst he rolls around on the ground, groping another man." She shrugs on her jacket. "That's what I'm going to do."
Slowly they all get up, grabbing their things and leave.
Olivia stands with her hands on the back of her chair, looking at Shirley whilst Abed waits for at the door.
"Come with us, we are your family after all, good and bad."
Shirley shakes her head stiffly and Olivia sighs.
"Sorry, Shirley."
With that she walks to the door, joining her hand with Abed's and walks out of the library.
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Jeff is giving some sort of inspirational 'Winger' speech when the group reach the quad, Annie climbs up onto the fountain for a better view and Olivia stands in between Troy and Abed, Troy angled almost protectively Infront of her incase things did come to a fight.
"...and I have to ask myself," Jeff continues, "what would Shirley do?"
Jeff glances towards the group who all smile at him before he doubles over in pain.
"Oh no," moustache guy demands, shaking out his fist from where he'd just punched Jeff in the crotch, "what would Shirley do?"
"I think," Jeff begins, slowly pulling himself up, "I think she would shake your hand and wish you a Merry Christmas."
Before he can get himself completely upright moustache guy elbows him in the back, sending him sprawling to the ground and there's a collective intake of breath from the group.
"Why are we all just standing here?" Olivia whispers. "Shouldn't we, I don't know, do something?"
Troy nods, jumping from foot to foot, fists raised.
"Jeffrey." A voice calls from behind them and they all turn to see Shirley looking angrier than ever. "Kick his ass!"
"Calvary's here," moustache guy points out, "shirts off, boys."
"Come on, I'm being Punk'd, right?" Britta laughs.
"Why are they taking their shirts off?" Olivia asks, staring at them in disbelief.
"Kick them!" Moustache guy instructs and two guys start towards the group, twisting and turning in mid-air like they're in some sort of action movie.
"Does anyone have any music they can play out loud right now that would be perfect for a fight scene?" Abed asks, clearly thinking the same thing Olivia had.
"I have 'Kiss with a Fist' by Florence and the Machine?" Annie offers and Abed nods.
"Yeah, that'll do I guess."
Annie gets out her phone and presses a few buttons until the song comes out through the small speakers.
"Seeing as we've got music should we do this properly?" Olivia asks. "You know go the whole bit?"
The group all look between each other and nod just as Jeff throws moustache guy into the dean's Winter Wonderland creation.
"I guess that's our cue." Abed states and the whole thing becomes a free for all.
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"I have some mistletoe." Olivia giggles, holding the plant above her and Abed's head as Shirley sings to the group.
"I thought we weren't meant to be following any Christmas traditions, I thought we were meant to be acting like this was just one big party." Abed replies, head tilted.
"How about if I just kiss your bruise?"
"Oh, yeah, like the hero getting his prize from the damsel in distress."
"Abed, I was part of the fight, I was not a damsel in distress." Olivia argues, frowning.
He quickly tugs the mistletoe out of her hand before holding it up higher than she can reach.
"Abed, you're still holding it above our heads." Olivia laughs causing him to look up.
He shrugs, dropping it to the table before giving her the quickest kiss in the history of kissing.
Abed was still pretty shy about PDAs which was odd seeing as every clichéd movie he'd ever watched were full of nothing but PDAs.
Olivia blushes regardless and then claps as Shirley finishes singing.
"Yeah, thank you, thank you, yeah I get it, it is I, Señor Chang."
All their heads turn as their crazy Spanish professor walks into the room, a snowboard clutched in his arms which he quickly passes off to Shirley who's smile falters slightly.
"So, I have finished grading everyone's finals," he pauses and looks around the room as if building up suspense, "and all of you are moving on!"
The group all clap and cheer, even Olivia.
Chang holds up his hand.
"That's all except," he points his finger at Jeff, "for Jeff."
Annie gasps a little.
"It turns out you, pause for dramatic effect,"
"Did you really just say pause for dramatic effect?" Olivia asks.
"Shut it, Yale." He snaps before turning back to Jeff. "You, will be seeing me next semester."
At this Annie actually screams from where she was sitting on the arm of Troy's chair.
Olivia watches as her cousin almost falls off in his haste to get away from the loud 'no'.
"In Spanish 102, hahaha, because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher." Chang explains.
"Did you really just explain your own joke."
"Again, Yale, shut it, or I won't let you in Spanish 102."
"Who said I wanted to be in Spanish 102?"
"Uh, your second semester course applications." Chang snaps back.
All the group turn to where Olivia is sitting on Abed's lap.
"Your second semester?" Abed asks, confused. "I thought you were going to Yale after Christmas break?"
Olivia glares at Chang,
"It was meant to be a Christmas miracle, or, at least, a surprise but Chang's gone and ruined it."
"Wait, does this mean you're staying at Greendale?" Shirley asks, grinning, excitedly.
"Yeah, for another semester at least." Olivia admits and before she knows it she's being swept up in a group hug.
When they pull apart Chang is gone and Jeff is smiling.
"I just want to say thank you to all of you for having my back, I want to say I'm very happy we're keeping both Barnes cousins at Greendale for another semester no matter how annoying they both may be and finally I want to say Merry..."
He moves past Pierce to pick up the bottle of champagne that was on the table before popping the cork.
"No, no," Shirley cuts in, "Merry Holiday."
"Actually," Jeff corrects, "I was going to say Merry semester and happy new one."
"Happy semester!" They all chorus and raise a glass.
"And here's to many more." Pierce adds and they all nod.
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"Oh Christmas Troy, oh Christmas Troy, thy candles shine so brightly." Olivia watches as Abed hangs Christmas decorations off of her cousin whilst singing. "Oh Christmas Troy, oh Christmas Troy, much pleasure thou canst give me."
He stops singing when Jeff walks into the room, phone in his hand.
"Why do you guys do stuff like this?" He asks, looking at Abed and Troy and then looks down at Olivia, "and why do you let them do this stuff?"
Olivia shrugs.
"Because it's fun." Troy answers.
"Yeah." Abed agrees.
"Can I join in?" Jeff asks and Olivia, Troy and Abed exchange bewildered looks, none of them had been expecting that.
"Sure." Abed nods.
Olivia looks on as Jeff and Abed proceed to decorate Troy, piling tinsel and baubles onto every spare piece of Troy they can find, all the while still singing.
Troy even harmonises when they get back to 'Oh Christmas Troy'.
"Don't move." Abed instructs when they're done and Troy nods.
"This nose smells like special drink." Troy tells them all.
Jeff looks at Olivia questioningly.
"He means the champagne."
"Well, it wouldn't be a Greendale Christmas without the Barnes cousins' making no sense."
"Winger, this is our first Greendale Christmas." Olivia argues.
"Exactly, we're making our traditions today."
Olivia shrugs. "Sure."
"Cool." Troy agrees.
"Cool, cool, cool." Abed adds.
this was almost 6.5K words, I don't think I've ever written so much in my life originally I was going to skip this episode but Christmas miracles happen and it stayed in after all! as always, your comments are deeply appreciated :)
