BROKEN

FORTY THREE.

Immediately he spoke those words, my eyes blurred with tears, he thinks I am beyond saving. I faced my gaze forward staring at the teacher who was applauding Ivan
"If I was truly honest, all my years as a mythology professor i had never once looked at the story from that kind of angle Mister vikor, truly exceptional if I must say" I fought so hard not to look at him "well, till next time everyone have a wonderful day ". I immediately slammed my book shut and hurried as fast as my short legs could take me after Ivan
I yelled as soon as I caught up to him" I'm beyond saving" his back was facing me, just like it had three years ago. " What no comment, you were talking just a few moments ago, what now cat got your tongue"
I heard him laugh, it was bitter and hollow almost broken in some way " leopards never change their spots, I see you still enjoy provoking others " I waited maybe he'd turn, so I'd look at him but he looked like he didn't want to even look at me nor be in the same place with me "I said It in class and I am saying it again Ackerman, it depends on your view of things, if you believe you're beyond saving that's your choice not mine." I tried controlling my breathing because I was upset and I was hyperventilating " I wanted to apologise about the last time we ....." He cut me off
"You shouldn't apologise, I simply realised I wasn't needed nor wanted. Your words exactly were a thorn at my side wasn't it. Well it has been certainly has not been wonderful seeing you again. Do have a nice day" I watched him walk away like I always to cowardly to say nor do anything as always. I clutched my backpack tightly and sadly walked to Malvolio's car waiting for him and keiran.  A few stray tears had slid down my eyes and I furiously wipped them away.
Keiran was the first person I saw. He gave me a tight hug when he saw how sullen my mood was, Mal joined us soon after and I filled them in on what happened with Ivan on the drive to their shared apartment
"Well atleast he didn't call you by your middle name, thats a good sign I guess'
"Really keiran, you're not trying to make me feel better "
"I know lotus, pardon for saying this but I don't think you have the right to feel as shitty as you do. Imagine how horrible he felt after you cast him out like a stray dog, all the calls and texts he sent, things he did for you. I mean if was Ivan, I'd dump you in a ditch "
"Gee thanks Mal for the encouraging words."
"But you know its the truth, you have no idea what he might have felt cause you never really thought about him when you acted it was only about you." Keiran's word shut me up in an instant.

It was true, everytime I had acted I never was thought of his feelings, not once did I stop to think of how much it affected Ivan, it was always me, selfish me. Knowing Ivan  he knew how much I put my self first in our relationship/friendship but never once did he complain. We parked at Mal and keiran's two storey. The lived a bit on the outskirts of the city.

I sat on the kitchen bar stool swinging my legs and tapping my cheeks with my fingers while waiting for the boys
I saw keiran walk in "am I a bad friend mal"
"You were lotus but you're changing, the thing is Ivan doesn't think you as changed and judging from your words today he has reasons not too, you need to show him how much you've grown before your ships sails okay" I nodded my head, I was determined to show Ivan how grown up I had become.
"So enough about gooey love stories, a friend of mine is throwing a party today wanna come" I loved keiran and Malvolio neither of them were crazy friends that tried forcing me into things I wanted to do, neither of the had tried to force me into uncomfortable clothing just to make me come out of my shell.
"Yeah why not, I'll text my aunt so she'd know I'd be back a little past curfew, I saw him nod before sticking his head in the fridge.
"Hey what's up " Mal said as he walked into the kitchen
"Can you please stop sucking down my cookie dough ice cream and replacing it with mint chocolate chip, i can tell the difference bro " Mal just smiled and promised to pay for his next tub of ice cream.
We messed around with games and anime till we had to get ready for the party