Every Autumn Fall (Youthful Series 1)

Chapter 13: Growing in College

August

My first month of being a college student isn't as easy as what I thought it would be. It's beyond the expectation that I had but I had no choice but to continue.

I got accepted to the two universities that I applied to, but I declined the offer even the scholarships. Nagpatuloy akong nag-aral dito sa kaparehong university na pinasukan ko at nagtake ako ng political science para sa course ko. Like, I promised my parents, I'll continue to pursue law school.

But from the first half of our semester, I started having regrets already. Regrets that are unchangeable. All I can do is continue this.

Cael is also taking med tech, his preparation also for med school. At first, I was surprised that he also pursues taking the course. Well, he's good at arts, and so I was expecting something more related to it.

Noong napag-usapan namin ang tungkol dito, nabanggit niya na itutuloy niya and med school pero nahahati ang kaniyang desisyon sa creative side na gusto niyang tahakin.

I know how he also wasn't sure about sports but managed to survive them throughout his high school. I just do hope that he isn't pressured like me.

Life here in college isn't really fun, maybe because a part of me doesn't want the course and I find no interest in it at all. Now it's giving me so much anxiety to the point that I had two panic attacks last week. I just didn't want to tell my friends because they are all busy transitioning to this phase, and also don't want to bother Cael with my own personal problems. Though, I do feel guilty for lying.

I became more aggressive with managing my time. I hated whenever I am wasting a time. Nagpart-time job pa rin ako sa bookstore kahit na hindi ko na kasama si Eli. I just needed money right now because of my school expenses. Ayoko naman manghingi sa parents ko kaya ako na lang ang gumagawa ng paraan. It's been also two months since I continue writing the novel that I still haven't finish. Pakiramdam ko wala ako lagi sa position para makapagsulat.

I don't know how will I continue the story of Miles and Lewis. There's this guilt that I haven't been touching my story. Maybe I just need time to go back at it and I hope it won't take too long.

This time, I am having a hard time figuring things out about my studies, part-time job, my future, and my love life.

After ng last class ko today, umuwi na lang muna ako sa apartment para bumawi ng tulog, para pagkagising ko, may energy akong magbasa ng mga binigay na readings. Politics gives me so much headache right now. I didn't know that it was this complicated. I was surprised when I woke up with my room all clean. My books and papers are all organized, and everything isn't messy at all. Cael cleans again my room.

Halos hindi ko na magawang makapaglinis ng sarili kong kuwarto. Sobrang gulong-gulo ako. Mabuti na lang at meron si Cael para alalayaan ako. At first hindi siya payag sa pagpapart-time ko sa bookstore.

"Akala ko ba tuwing summer lang? Pati ngayon? Paano yung studies mo?" we were both sitting on my desk after I take a break from my readings.

"Four hours shift lang naman, after class ko ng hapon diretso na ako sa bookstore," pagpapaliwanag ko sa kaniya.

"Mauv, sure ka ba na kayo mo?" hindi niya mapigalang mag-aalala dahil sa schedule na mayroon ako. Tinanong niya ako ng mga posibilidad na baka madagdagan lang stress ko, pero imbis na magdalawang isip ako, sinabi ko na lang na kailangan ko itong gawin. Hindi rin naman ganoon kabigat ang workload ko sa bookstore.

"Okay lang ako,"

I always wake up at four to finish all the tasks that I haven't finished at night. After taking a shower, I just eat a bread and milk to heads up for my breakfast. If wala kaming class at nabigyan kami ng vacant, kasama ko na lang ang isa kong classmate at nagpupunta kami sa library para tumapos ng mga school works. Pagkatapos naman ay tutuloy na ako sa Hiraya Librarya hanggang seven p.m. o kung anong oras ako kailangan dito.

Busy I was, hindi ko napansin na may mga customer na palang pumasok. Nag-ikot-ikot naman ako just in case may mga tanong sila na pwede ko silang i-assist. I blink twice when I saw a familiar face. It's Adi.

"Don't you have class?" he asks while he is holding a book from the books that can be borrowed.

"Kakatapos lang," I answered shortly, then looks behind to check on other customers.

"You still work even on weekdays?" he asks, might be in curiosity or in worry. He places the book on the counter and I prepare to fix his borrower's stab.

My breath felt heavier, "I'm good with it," I replied trying to suppress my feeling. I started explaining how I love this job even though it is stressful for me. We had a talk for a little while before he left. From what I heard, he will be studying in Manila.

After my working hours, Shan and I closed the store before I left with my bike. Pagdating ko ng bahay gusto ko na lang matulog. I should also make an alarm so I can continue finishing my essay.

As soon as I reached my apartment, I was surprised to see that my table had prepared food for it. Amoy ulam din ang apartment. Mich and Jones started barking, and Cael just stood up from my bed while his books were laying on it.

"Niluto mo ito?" tanong ko sa kaniya habang nilalaro ang dalawang aso. "Bakit ka pa nagluto, hindi ka ba busy sa-"

"I just want to eat with you," he gave me a wide smile. He prepared a chicken adobo, one of the best dishes that Tita Alicia taught him. I'm not in the mood for eating, but I suddenly feel hungry, and I wanted to grab a taste of what he cooked.

"Cali," this made me want to cry, but I kept it all inside because I didn't want him to see me crying. I just feel so tired these past few weeks, and even though I need to take a rest, my body just won't allow it.

He went closer to me, and even if I'm all sweaty and smelled like smoke, he embraced me and let me lean on his shoulder. I can feel that he is smiling as he caresses my hair. "I'm recharging you for a bit, so stay."