Every Autumn Fall (Youthful Series 1)

Chapter 15: All the Things I Love About You

August

Year 11, January. It was this year when I first saw Mauv. Months away from summer. He has short hair, doesn't smile much, and I rarely catch his eyes because he always has a book whenever I see him.

"You're invited ha, pupunta ka," Lara sounded like she was threatening me. It was January during her birthday when I was invited like anyone else from our year. Well, kilala naman ng lahat si Lara at halos kaibigan din niya ang lahat, but I could say that we are also close, since we've been classmates since grade school.

Sa beach house ginanap ang party, at dahil closest friend nila si Lara, narito din sila ngayon. I can't help myself to look at him. He's talking to one of his friend, Eli, and he barely talks to anyone who is also at the party. Obviously, I am more curious about him, more so, to get to know him. Something's telling me that I should go and talk to him.

But I know he won't talk to me. First of all, aside from the fear of being near to him, I was more afraid of the fact that I still can't understand who I am. Am I gay? But I like girls? So am I gay and I also like girls? This is when I started having a gender crisis.

August. The last month before our back to school terrifies me. Siguro dahil alam ko na babalik na naman ako sa kakatraining sa pagtakbo, pero ginagawa ko na lang na motivation ang pag-iisip na huling taon ko na ito. If I'm being honest, wala talaga akong kahilig-hilig sa pagtakbo, nataon lang noong junior high na ito na lang ang natitirang sport na pwede kong pasukin dahil sa pagpupumilit ni Papa. "Kapag marunong ka kahit isang sport, matuto ka na magkaroon ng disiplina." Ito ang lagi niyang sinasabi. Kaya buong high school year ko at ito ang aking pinag-kaabalahan.

"Malapit lang naman dito 'yon, pumunta ka na," pagpupumilit ni Vin. Inutusan kasi siya ni Adi na bumili at manghiram ng libro sa bookstore. Magkaaway kasi sila ngayon kaya gusto niyang bumawi kay Adi. "Need ko lang ng help mo," pangongonsensya niya pa. Kung hindi lang siya nangako na ililibre ako ng lunch buong week, hindi na sana ako papayag.

Nagpunta ako sa Hiraya Librarya ilang layo lang kalapit ng university. Hindi ko alam kung saan magsimula, hindi ko rin natanong kung anong genre ba itong isinulat niyang libro na hahanapin ko. Sinubukan ko na lang mag-ikot, pero hindi ko naman kayang isa-isahin ang mga libro dito, kaya nagtanong na lang ako sa isa sa kanilang mga staff.

"Miss,"

At first I thought I was talking to a girl. Hair above her shoulder, I'm little inches taller, and a flowery scent just covers me up.

I realized I was wrong. It was Mauv and he changed. I don't think I offended him, but I stuttered because I saw him again. Probably he doesn't know me at all.

So, I gave him my name instead of Adrian's name, so he could at least remember me.

Gusto kong magsimula ng conversation pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin. Ni hindi ko nga masabi na hindi sa akin ang librong ito nang magsimula siyang magtanong sa akin. Since that day, lagi ko ng hinihintay si Adi na matapos ang kaniyang librong binabasa para ako na rin ang magbalik. And the rest began since we've started talking in our year 12.