A Doubtful Heart

- 10 -

Nuer stayed silent. He didn't know what to say.

'' Anyway Nuer, I'll try to make it up for you and New but, remember that friend goes beyond boyfriend. ''

Then Rain hung up. Nuer looked dumbfounded at his phone and saw a text from Syn, in the middle of New's ones.

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I'm almost there, you are still at the uni?

Nuer felt weird that Syn didn't write '' our sport '' as if their place was just a random place. But he did reap what he had sow.

I'm near your district. I'll come to our place. Let's meet there.

He then walked back to where he came from. He wanted to run but also felt that what was awaiting him would hurt him. As scared as he was, he tried to hide his fears : he wasn't the one who was the most hurt. Syn was. He had disappointed him and now he was supposed to rebuild what he broke.

Soon enough he saw their spot, Syn was sitting there, his legs tucked under his chin. He looked sad and lost. Nuer felt a huge pain in his heart as he knew he was the guilty one.

'' Syn. ''

Syn lift his chin to look for the person who just called his name. He then saw Nuer.

Nuer stood up silently in front of him, restraining himself to touch the one he loved. However he felt that deep down inside, Syn was also restraining himself.

'' I'm sorry... I don't exactly know what New had told you. But I am sorry, I want to explain more but...''

'' You bet with your friend that you'd make Kuea fell in love with you. Is that right? ''

'' Y-yes. Well it's more complicated, I. Can I explain? "

Nuer was baffled by the ton Syn took. It was cold, distant...

'' Nuer, I. I don't really know what you want to say. But whatever the reason is, your deeds are not what I thought you would do. I. ''

Nuer could see how hurt Syn was and felt the coldness of their relationship even more.

'' I talked with someone. A friend. Not Kuea : I am not the one who is supposed to say anything to him. But anyway. I talked with this friend. And you know what he told me? Without even knowing you, he told me that building a relationship on a bet is leading a heart to a failure. ''

Syn's voice broke.

'' Nuer, he told me to break up. And, to say the truth, it was rational. But, I do want to know everything. I want to be able to forgive. I don't want to blame myself for letting you through my heart. ''

Nuer was dizzy. He wanted to say something but was too stunned to speak.

'' Nuer, you are so important to me. But, why did you want to hurt my friend? I don't care if it's me. It does hurt but knowing that my friend was the first to be meddle in your stupid game? It's hurt way much more. I am so... I... ''

'' I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I. I don't know what exactly was I thinking back then. I just know that I owe you explanation and I owe Kuea some explanation too. I never wanted to hurt you nor did I...''

expected to fell in love with you

''nor did I wanted to break us apart. I've been trying to tell you everything but I was scared. Scared that my deeds were unforgivable.''

Nuer sights as Syn was looking carefully at every single expression Nuer was making. As if he was trying to evaluate if he was lying.

'' Can I explain everything to you. It's way more... ''

'' complicated? ''

'' I thought I would say that but actually, it is way more stupid and immature. ''

Nuer sat next to Syn, but left a space between them. He looked at Syn's face then started :

'' I know that saying '' I am sorry '' isn't going to make up for my bad behavior. But I didn't expect things to go this way. Actually, when I first arrived at our university I felt pretty depressed. Being able to do what I wanted to do was really incredible. But, for that I had to stopped living the life I used to like ; hanging out with my friend, drinking and partying... ''

Syn was listening silently, distant.

'' Then I met your group. By talking to you I learned more about who was Kuea and actually realized that his family was the one my family worked with. Because I had so much grudge against my parents I decided that I would make Kuea fell in love with me. That would make things complicated for them and that would be the most sweet revenge kind of. I know it's stupid. But then by hanging out with you guys I learned that Kuea was already in a arranged wedding. But I also learned that he wasn't the happiest in his relationship. His lover didn't seem as close as Kuea would have loved to. As I learned that Kilen seemed distant and so on, at a certain point I felt that making Kuea forget about Kilen wasn't part of my selfish behavior anymore. I found my self thinking highly that I would '' save him '' from his situation. So I started to get close to him forgetting about my initial reason to act so recklessly. I did find him cute at a certain point then... ''

Nuer felt uncomfortable confessing that and looked away, not ready to confront Syn reaction.

'' It wasn't like it was obvious you know... ''

Said Syn with his little broken voice.

'' Right. You immediately saw it and tried to stop me. ''

Nuer took a deep breath and kept on.

'' I tried to make him happier by being the one he wanted Kilen to be. Because he seemed so lonely in what I thought to be an unrequited love. . ''

'' You didn't think properly then. ''

'' I didn't. But, since I was telling everything that was happening to me to New and the others, New decided to make it a bet. I felt that it wasn't anymore a selfish decision but. But I fell in love with you. And as my feelings were growing and my heart was completely obsessed with you, I realized how stupid I was. But it was already too late. And I didn't know how to confess to you . ''

Syn felt like he had stopped breathing. He was so disappointed and hurt.

'' I don't know what to do Nuer. ''

'' I know, I am so sorry. ''

Both of them looked at each other. Nuer just wanted them to kiss and forget about everything but knew it wouldn't be that easy.

'' What do you want me to do? Should I step back? Should I try to pursue again to start our relationship back from scratch. ''

Asked Nuer. He was afraid that Syn would answer to break up, but deep down was hoping that He would just ask some more time to think.
Syn broke their gazed and stood up, keeping his mixed feelings for himself.

'' I am so lost Nuer. You can do whatever you want, but leave me some space to think. ''

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A little chapter to make it up to you guys ~

Holidays are coming to an end for me so I'll try to be more regular.

Hopefully you'll keep on liking it so far!