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P3 - Chapter Twenty-one

October 31st - November 1st, 2020:

Oh, no.

"H-how do you know?" My voice was slow and shaking.

"Umber told me," Qibli whispered as he tucked the knife away in his pocket. "At first I didn't believe it, but Kinkajou and Turtle were there, and they confirmed it. Moon, you hurt yourself?"

I bit my lip to stop it from quivering.

This is what I was afraid of. Now Qibli's going to leave me. Now everything will be ruined.

"I–I'm sorry," I choked out, my head hanging as I pinned my gaze onto the greasy bathroom floor. "I-I..." I couldn't stop it as a sob slipped past my lips and a tear trickled down my face.

All too suddenly, my heart started beating at an abnormally fast speed rate, and breathing became a struggle. It felt like I was being strangled, and my hands were shaking.

I staggered backward, clutching my chest as I sank to the floor.

"Moon!" Qibli cried, reaching toward me.

"I can't breathe," I gasped as he crouched down in front of me. My hands were still shaking and I still couldn't grasp any air.

"Hey, hey, woah," Qibli quickly said, taking my hands. "You're having a panic attack. Hey, look at me, Moon." Gasping for air, I did. His warm amber eyes looked right into mine as he talked in a calming voice. "I'm here. I'm here, Moon. Don't be afraid."

I slowly started to calm down, but I looked away from him as I started to cry. Tears splatted onto my blood-stained dress. They pooled out of my eyes. Qibli held on to me tightly, not letting me go and probably crying with me.

He hasn't left yet. Huh.

After a moment, I pulled away. Qibli looked down at me.

"Can I see?" he whispered.

That was it.

I weakly nodded, stood up, grabbed a piece of paper, and wet it. We were lucky no one had decided to come into the bathroom at all so far, but I wasn't sure how long that would last.

I sat down next to Qibli and hesitantly dragged the wet piece of paper across my left arm first. It instantly wiped away the foundation I had put all over my arm to conceal the scars.

Qibli's expression contorted into immense sadness and worry. He gently took my arm and his fingers brushed against each scar as he bit his lip.

"Moon–" he choked out, and it was almost enough to make me start crying again. "Why?"

"I just..." I pulled away, wrapping my arms around myself. "I... don't know. The first time I cut myself was on accident... and then anytime I was sad, I'd just..." I trailed off, just now realizing how not-okay I was. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Why didn't you?" Qibli quietly asked. "Moon, I could've helped you... I could've..."

"I was afraid," I admitted, quickly glancing up at him.

Qibli regarded me for a moment. "Afraid of what?"

I let out a slow breath through my nose, looking away.

Just tell him. There's no point in keeping secrets now.

"I thought you wouldn't like me anymore," I admitted, a little embarrassed. "Like I said, in my old school, I was hated and bullied, and I feared the same would happen here if you found out." I let out a shaky breath, not meeting his gaze.

"Moon," Qibli whispered, reaching over and lifting my chin to make me look at him. "I know exactly how you feel, remember? I know what it's like to be bullied and tormented, and I dealt with rough insomnia after that, but I wouldn't ever do something like that. Especially not to you, Moon."