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P3 - Chapter Twenty-two

November 1st, 2020:

I turned to look at Qibli, Turtle, Kinkajou, and Winter and horror. Did they tell the guidance counselor? But they all just shook their heads, looking equally terrified.

Don't panic, don't panic.

I started shaking my right hand as if there was gunk all over them, and I kept mumbling to myself, "Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts."

I did this any time I had to do something scary, or something disrupted me so that I was extremely anxious. Of course, doing that earlier would have saved me a panic attack, but it was too late to talk about that now.

"Um, Webs," I said, trying not to let my voice shake. "I don't know the way. It's only my first year here."

"Can I take her?" Qibli quickly asked, turning to the teacher with an expression that seemed pleading. Webs narrowed his eyes at Qibli.

"Alright, but no mumbo jumbo in the halls," Web said as he turned back to the board. Qibli immediately stood up and walked over to my seat, helping me up. He led me to the door, and the second it was shut, he turned to me.

But I already beat him to it. "Did you tell anyone?" I asked, the panic clearly in my tone. "You promised you wouldn't–"

"I didn't," Qibli said as we started walking. "Neither did Turtle, Kinkajou, or Winter."

"So... Umber?" I asked.

"Maybe," Qibli said with a slight frown. "And I know you're afraid, but this will be good for you. She's very nice." He led me down the hall and turned right.

"B-but," I protested. "Then she'll surely tell someone. And that is the last thing I want her to do!"

"But then you can get better," Qibli pointed out, gently taking my hand. "And I want you to get better, Moon."

I want to get better, too. But not this way. This way, people will get all up in my feelings. I want to do it on my own. Not with assistance. Not with this.

I didn't say anything the rest of the way. We walked to a part of the school I'd never seen before.

We turned a corridor and instantly there was a door titled "Guidance Counselor."

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Qibli asked gently.

"No, you have class," I reminded. "And I don't want you to get in trouble. You can go back. I'll be fine."

I was pretty sure I was lying. I was most definitely not going to be fine. I would probably have a mental breakdown the second I walked into the room.

"Are you sure?" Qibli asked, gently taking my hands. My stomach went queezy with longing and despair. I didn't want to leave him to go deal with unresolved problems, because to be honest, whenever I was around Qibli, my problems just seemed to disappear.

And talking to a random, old, and unfamiliar woman was certainly not going to help at all.

Don't be selfish, Moon.

"Yes, Qibli," I said. "I'll be fine. Go back to class." Qibli hesitated as if debating whether to listen to me or not.

Finally, he said, "Alright," gave my my hand a reassuring squeeze, and turned around the corridor. He cast me one more worried glance over his shoulder and then he was gone.

It felt like he was taking a piece of my sanity with him. I turned to the door and took in a shaky breath.

"Hello!"